If you stopped by for last week's Hotbox, we seemingly talked about everything other than Iowa State athletics. The Hotbox made you think about all your moral values and the truth about mayonnaise. DEEP stuff, really. We found out that about 2/3 of you would rather save a human stranger than your own dog from death. I admit this is a heavy topic for the Hotbox, but you 2/3 are the real MVP. That is the correct answer, so sayeth the Hotbox.
This week, we're going to TRY to keep it a bit more Cyclone related. After a couple great weeks of hoops, all of Cyclone Nation is back on the wagon. All it took was two Big Monday wins against two top five teams, no biggie. We're all guzzling the Magic by the gallon again after blaming Prohm for killing it. Everyone is talking about the Magic.
Wide Right & Natty Lite even got in on the action. I know you, your entire family, your cool Cyclone buddies, your dog, your cat, and that weird guy at the office who thinks that shirt is, "super sweet bro, where can I get one?" all need this shirt. So hurry up before Steve Prohm "ruins this program" again.
But before we get into the Cyclone stuff I promised you, I need to settle a debate that raged in the Hotbox last week. This concerns the Hotbox's utter disdain and correct opinion on the scourge that is mayonnaise.
The hottest take came from JantzTheNightAway,
Mayo is awesome
The hotbox is dog shit.
Whoa, bro. I'm just here for the toilet humor and #CLICKS. And you come at me with that rage??? Nah. Since you clearly don't respect the correct opinions of the Hotbox, let me hit with some facts about mayonnaise.
- 1 tbsp of mayonnaise contains 94 calories
- 90 of those calories are from fat
- 1 tbsp contains 10 gram of fat. That's about 15% of the recommended amount in one serving
- It would take 24 minutes of walking or 10 minutes of jogging to burn off those 94 calorie
- Running is hard and sucks. Avoid mayonnaise to avoid running.
- Mayonnaise tastes like bad liquidish fat.
- Mayonnaise is bad liquidish fat.
Every single one of those points are facts that can't be disputed.
Finally to the Box:
Oh wise Hotbox,
Give me your all State of Iowa starting five and three bench players.
6. Abdel Nader
7. Peter Jok
8. Deonte Burton
All you Hawks out there reading this Iowa State blog are getting so Fran red-faced right now. According to my biased opinion, you managed to get two out of eight players in the state...and I didn't include UNI. I mostly didn't include UNI because after UNI finished going supernova and making our dicks fall off, they then proceeded to go 4-8. And in the Hotbox's opinion, they do not deserve to be included and I will not include them out of spite.
And Drake? LOL.
At first, I actually included Peter Jok instead of Matt Thomas. I know, I know that's sacrilegious to Cyclone Nation. After I typed it, I felt the dirty filth and shame that is the mind of a Hawkeye wash over me. I then immediately changed it and all was right with the world again. But to be perfectly honest, Peter Jok has been the biggest difference in the Hawkeyes' success.
Obviously, Jarrod Uthoff is the straw that stirs the Hawkeye drink (Hawkeye Vodka). He gets the start, as he should. But Peter Jok has really turned it on this year and is arguably their best player. But this being his first true year of high quality production, I couldn't include him over a Cyclone. Especially since Matt Thomas has been a revelation of his own this year. And he's been doing it while having to chase the best player in the country around, Buddy Hield.
The rest seems pretty self explanatory to me. Monte has proven he doesn't need to come out, ever. Georges is the best player in the state. Jameel is Shaq compared to the Eye Poker. Nader has proven his worth in big games multiple times and Deonte has the highest ceiling by farrrr compared to the rest of the Iowa squad.
And, if 3sus is healthy and playing, all these above paragraphs are most likely meaningless. But 3sus is waiting to rise again. And we will include him next year after his resurrection.
I rest my case.
How far does Iowa get in the tournament?
And in classic Bringer Backer style, if you could bring back one past Iowa State coach (besides Fred) who would you bring back? Or would you stick with Prohm?
Well unfortunately, due to Iowa State's successful attempt at getting the NCAA to come to Des Moines for the first time, it's looking like Iowa will most likely get to play in Des Moines. Unless they have another very memorable and epic collapse again, they will be somewhere between a 1-3 seed in Des Moines. And that means the will have the home crowd.
So unless they really shit on their dicks or get a horrible draw, they should be able to skip merrily to the Sweet Sixteen. And that's where I hope it ends. For the sake of Cyclone Nation and the rest of the planet, we will never hear the end of their super success in this academic year. I'd rather be shot into the distant and mysterious "9th planet" on the edge of the solar system.
And which coach would I bring back? This is a easy one.
Obvious first choice is Johnny Orr. He built modern Cyclone basketball into what it is today. Everything you see in our basketball program is because of him. He built the Magic. He got us back into respectability and the NCAA tournament. He recruited and landed Dreamy. Dreamy came home to coach his old school. Dreamy built us into what you see today. Dreamy forsakens us and leaves for the glitz and glamour of the NBA. We hire Prohm and BAM here we are.
Johnny is probably the most important figure to ever happen to Iowa State athletics, so he wins.
But if you want the WRNL answer, it's drunk uncle Larry. He had our best teams and our deepest run into the tourney. Also, his temper and "Caffeine Free Diet Coke" that clearly wasn't fooling anyone, were quite the entertainment.
Oh and I almost forgot about your last question. I was too caught up in the Glory Days. But Prohm stays. UNLESS HE DISPLEASES ME IN THE SMALLEST OF WAYS, THEN BRING BACK THE LEGENDS.
Oh sweet Hotbox,
You might have already answered this question somewhere on this great website, but I'm feeling a bit nostalgic.
What player do you miss most from the Hoiball era?
Well to clarify, the player I miss most and the player I miss most and wish was on the current team are different. The player I miss most because of just how good and polarizing he was is Royce White. He was The Dude...who was also terrified to fly on airplanes. I miss those days. We think going 1-3 to start conference play was Earth shattering. How bout the best player in the conference and his struggles with anxiety. NOW THAT'S A STORY.
But the one player I wish could come back onto the current team is Chris Babb. Tall, strong, athletic sharp shooter who also happens to be a ridiculous defensive force. He will be the missing link forever and always on future Cyclone teams.