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Sorry BHGP, the Iowa Hawkeyes and the Chicago Cubs Aren't that Alike

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I came across an article that will get your blood boiling.

MLB: World Series-Workouts David Richard-USA TODAY Sports

No, Hawks, no.

Sit down children... It’s time for a rant.

I was minding my business the other day (yesterday) searching the bowels of the internet (BHGP) for an article I’d seen referenced on Twitter, when I came across another interesting specimen. It was an article claiming that Iowa Hawkeyes fans and Chicago Cubs fans are basically one in the same.

The author, John Alphabet, made a strong case for why Hawk and Cub fans are similar. Apparently there’s a ton of parallels between each team. Get a load of these undeniable facts:

They both have fantastic, yet classic uniforms that are widely known as some of the best in the sport.

They both play their home games in historic stadiums that have been around for several decades.

These stadiums have both undergone face-lifts over the years (with Kinnick’s most recent renovations coming by 2019), but the original character of the stadium has been maintained since their initial construction.

They both have celebratory songs that get played immediately following victories (“In Heaven There is No Beer” for the Hawkeyes and “Go Cubs Go” for the Cubbies).

They believe in curses.

They don’t let losses inhibit their fun.

They have passion.

They (almost) always expect the worst.

They believe.

L.......................O.........................L.

Mr. Alphabet’s reasons were so bad that it prompted this ST. LOUIS CARDINALS FAN to stand up and make a case against him. Let’s break this down one at a time.

“They both have fantastic, yet classic uniforms that are widely known as some of the best in the sport”

Yeah, the Cubs have a nice, classic look with their unis that have gone pretty unchanged over the last century.

However, Iowa? Pittsburgh Steelers ripoff. And ask any fan outside of the Hawkeye fanbase to name the best uniforms in college football and I can all but guarantee you that no one mentions Iowa’s in their top 30 (which is the # of teams in MLB).

“They both play their home games in historic stadiums that have been around for several decades”

What defines ‘historic’? What defines ‘several’? Because there are 29 college football stadiums that were built before 1929, which is when Kinnick was erected in Iowa City. That means there are at least 29 fan bases with a stronger argument for similarity to the Cubs than Iowa in this case.

Also, let’s assume "several decades’’ means at least 40 years. That puts the cutoff line at 1976. Guess what Stadium was built in 1975?

Jack Trice Stadium.

“These stadiums have both undergone face-lifts over the years (with Kinnick’s most recent renovations coming by 2019), but the original character of the stadium has been maintained since their initial construction.”

Man, you’re really fired up about this stadium thing, aren’t you Mr. Alphabet. “Original character” is subjective, but sure, you’re technically right that both stadiums have undergone renovations. Now, does that directly link Cubs fans and Hawkeye fans?

Ehhhhhhh.

According to the always-reliable Wikipedia, just 24 college football stadiums haven't been expanded at least once. This doesn't make Kinnick getting renovated too unique, does it?

“They both have celebratory songs that get played immediately following victories (“In Heaven There is No Beer” for the Hawkeyes and “Go Cubs Go” for the Cubbies).”

*fart noise*

You like to celebrate with a song after a win. Whoopty-freaking-do. If I didn’t hate Sweet Caroline so much, I’d say the same is true for Iowa State (even though we only get to hear it in victory 1-2 times a year for football).

Oh, and you know who else celebrates winning with a song?

NOW, as for the rest of the “reasons” Mr. Alphabet used to link Cubs fans and Hawkeye fans...

They believe in curses.

They don’t let losses inhibit their fun.

They have passion.

They (almost) always expect the worst.

They believe.

You just described Iowa State fandom to a T.

At least half (totally accurate estimate) of our fanbase believes that if we play Sweet Caroline after the 3rd quarter in Jack Trice Stadium, we’re going to lose regardless of the score. “Win or lose, we still booze” has never been more true for any fan base more so than it has been for Iowa State’s. Even when the Cyclones suck, ISU fans still pack 50,000+ into Jack Trice. Iowa State fans are the KINGS of expecting the worst (because it happens so much more to us than teams like Iowa that have gone to the Rose Bowl recently). And DAMMIT WE BELIEVE.

Look, I could go into so much more detail describing why Iowa State and the Chicago Cubs are wayyy more similar than Iowa and the Cubs are. But I think I’ll leave that opportunity open to some of the ISU/Cubs fans on the WRNL staff, if they want to take it.

Instead, I’ll go ahead and list a few more obvious parallels between Iowa and the Cubs that Mr. Alphabet could have inclused in his article over on BHGP. These reasons are all cut from the same cloth as the ones outlined above. Please note that these reasons are extremely exclusive to Iowa and the Cubs:

Both football and baseball are sports — played by people!

The Cubs, much like Iowa, play their sport on a field that has grass!

The National Anthem is played before every game at Kinnick Stadium and Wrigley Field!

Much like at Kinnick, people have to buy tickets to get into a game at Wrigley!

Each stadium has a parking lot!

Both Kinnick and Wrigley have restrooms for people to go to the bathroom in!

Just like Chicago, Iowa City also has more than one restaurant that serves pizza!

Kirk Ferentz and Joe Maddon rarely show emotion during a game!

Iowa fans and Cubs fans both wear clothing that has their team's logo on it!

Cubs fans drink beer — just like Iowa fans!

Both teams’ fans boo the refs/umpires when a call doesn’t go their way!

If their team wins, Hawk and Cubs fans are both happy! If their team loses, they’re both sad!

Can't believe you missed those, Mr. Alphabet.

Anyway, for the record, I'm cheering for the Cubs to win the World Series. Yes, I’m doing that as a Cardinals fan.

As an Iowa State fan, I understand what going through eternity with little to no success feels like. I want to see a fan base that has come so close so many times finally break through for the first time in over a century. Iowa fans, by comparison, have been living in paradise. ISU would kill for the success that Iowa’s had. That’s not an opinion, that's a fact.

Unlike Hawkeye fans, Cyclone fans truly know what years of winning nothing notable feels like. Am I happy that's the case? Not at all. But it's the damn truth. So take your sloppy comparisons and shove them where the sun don't shine, Hawkeyes. Years of suffering is a Cyclones/Cubs thing.

Go Cubs Go.