Impress Your Friends with Some Iona Jokes!

Iona, the long hated rival of Iowa State's from.... somewhere... is the next opponent standing between the Cyclones and their much anticipated trip to Houston. So without further ado, let's start the hatin'.

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An Iona fan, an Iowa State fan, and an Northern Iowa fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most. The Northern Iowa fan insists that he is the most loyal. ''This is for UNI!'' he yells, and jumps off the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Iowa State fan is next to profess his love for his... team. He yells, "This is for the Cyclones!" and pushes the Iona fan off the mountain.

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An Iowa State fan was doing some shopping in downtown Des Moines. He looked up at the top of a tall building and discovered a man ready to jump...
"Stop," he yelled, "remember you're someone who has value!"
The man yelled back, "I just lost everything in the stock market!"
"But remember you're important to your wife," yelled the Iowa State fan.
"She divorced me and took everything I had."
"Your children, remember your children," yelled the Iowa State fan.
"They never call," said the man.
"Then your parents, remember your parents," yelled the Iowa State fan.
"Dead as doornails," said the man.
"Then think of all the Cyclone basketball games you will miss," yelled the Iowa State fan.
The man shouted, "But, I'm a Iona Gaels Fan!"
The man shouted again, "But, I'm a Iona Gaels Fan!"
The Iowa State fan replied, "Jump, you dumb ass, JUMP!"
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Q: Why do all three trees in Nebraska lean east?

A: Because Iona Sucks.
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Q: Why is there so much wind in Chicago?

A: Because Iona Blows
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Q: What's the difference between a Iona coed and a scarecrow?
A: One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
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Q: What do you call an Iona fan who watches Fox News?
A: A CORNservative.
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Q: If you have a car containing an Iona point guard, an Iona power forward, and an Iona center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
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Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Iona have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
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An Iona fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee. "Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Ionan.
He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?" "Sure," the moderator said. "It is a plot of agricultural land, used for the raising of crops and livestock."
"Uhhh..." The Ionan sat there for several more minutes, continuing to ask for alternative pronunciations, word origins, etc. The moderator was getting frustrated.
Finally the Iona fan asked, "Uh, can you use it in a sentence?" "Old MacDonald had a FARM!" the moderator shouted.
"Oh!" said the Iona fan. "E-I-E-I-O!"
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A Texas fan, an Iona fan, and an Iowa State fan were out riding horses one day. At one point, the Texas fan pulled out a bottle of expensive bourbon, took a long swig, threw the bottle to the ground, pulled out his pistol and shot it.
"What are you doing?" asked the Iona fan. "That was perfectly good whiskey."
"In Texas, we have more bourbon than we need," said the Longhorn fan, "And bottles are cheap."
They rode along for a while, and the Iona fan was thinking. Then he pulled out a bottle of champagne, opened it, took a swig, threw down the bottle, pulled out his pistol and shot the bottle.
"What are you doing?" asked the Cyclone fan. "That was perfectly good champagne." "At Iona," said the Iona fan, "We have more champagne than we need, and the bottles are cheap."
They rode along for a while, and then the Cyclone fan pulled out a bottle of beer, drank the whole thing, put the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulled out his pistol and shot the Iona fan.
"What are you doing?" asked the Texas fan.
"In Iowa, " replied the Cyclone fan, "we have more Iona fans than we need, but bottles are worth a nickel a piece."
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Q: What do Iowa State fans and Iona fans have in common?

A: Neither one of them graduated from Iona

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An ISU student, a UNI student, & an Iona student were all working together one summer for the DOT building a new bridge over the Mississippi. At lunch time the three of them sat down to eat. The ISU student opened his cooler and said: "Ham Sandwich again, if I have to eat ham one more time, I'm gonna jump off this bridge." The UNI student opened his cooler, saw a turkey sandwich and said: "If I have to eat turkey one more time, I'm gonna jump off this bridge too." Finally the Iona student opened his cooler, found a PB&J sandwich and he too declared he would jump off the bridge if he had to eat one more PB&J sandwich.
The next day the three guys sat down for lunch on the bridge deck, the ISU student opened his cooler, found the ham sandwich, which pushed him over the edge and he then jumped off the bridge, falling to his death. Similarly, the UNI and Iona students found the turkey & PB&J sandwiches respectively and both jumped to their deaths.
Later that week, the three mothers of the students were discussing the demise of their children when the ISU student's mother asked: "Why didn't he just ask for a different kind of sandwich, I would have gladly made it for him?" The UNI student's mother chimed in with the same comment.
Lastly, the Iona student's mother said while weeping: "I just don't get it, he packed his own lunch every morning!
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An Iona fan, an ISU fan and a UNI fan are leaving a party when they spot a co-ed passed out naked in the yard. Being gentlemen, the ISU fan covers the right breast with his hat, the UNI fan covers the left breast with his hat, and the Iona fan begrudgingly covers the crotch with his hat. They proceed to call the cops.
The cop shows up, lifts up the ISU hat and writes a few notes down and puts the hat back where it was. The cop lifts up the UNI hat and writes a few notes down and puts the hat back where it was. He then lifts up the Iona hat, writes a few notes down and gets a confused look on his face. He lifts up the Iona hat and jots down some more notes. This happens a few more times, so the ISU fan asks the cop, "What's the matter are you some kind of pervert?"
The cop replies, "No, I'm just a little confused. Every other time I've seen an Iona hat, there's been an asshole underneath it."

Fin.