Hello and welcome back to your
regularly scheduled SPECIAL MONDAY EDITION of the WRNL Hotbox. It seems like centuries ago that we actually did a real Hotbox, with real questions, from real people (MAYBE). Man let me tell ya, actual human interaction is something. The Hotbox has actually had something on it's mind for awhile now. It has been a huge burden to bear...so here goes.
The internet is the Hotbox's only resource to the outside world. If you didn't know, the Hotbox spends all its time in a dark, warm box that, from what I can gather, is sitting in the middle of the Mojave Desert with only a computer and a decent internet connection. These simple things make up the essence of me, the Hotbox. This life of constantly dripping sweat onto my grimy keyboard has fueled my takes to be just THAT HOT.
The unbearable and constant heat have led to my daily hallucinations of the future. This is the true nature of wisdom and power. Now you know. And finally, my seclusion led me to totally fooling the WRNL posse into thinking I'm a real "person" with a real "job" and allowing me to live out my dream of connecting with Cyclone Nation on the internet. SUCKERZ.
LET'S GET TO THE MESSAGES I ADORE SO MUCH:
What are the chances of a bowl game this year?
I know, that you know, that we all know, that it's #MARCH now and we should totally be focused on our basketball team, who I think I've finally come to terms with. They have their problems, but I'm just holding onto hope they will do something special during this special month.
But this is a football question, so let's talk some football, I guess.
Looking at the football team's upcoming schedule, they will probably be favored in three games at the start of the season and will (probably) end the season that way too. Those three games being: UNI, San Jose State, and Kansas. There are a few games out there that MAYYY end up with Iowa State being the favorites, unless there is an injury or some crazy Iowa Hawkeye surprise shit. But just based off those preliminary Hotbox prognostications, I'll put the chances of a bowl game at...
Almighty Caliente Cubical Container,
Which will be the bigger movie of 2016, Deadpool or Captain America: Civil War? Chimichangas and Bea Arthur or Mom and Apple Pie, whadda ya got?
Being that you asked this question quite a while ago, this might have been a legitimate question about the economy of movies. But us being in the future now, I can tell how much money Deadpool has made so far. It is nearing $300 million domestically and has made over $600 million internationally.
Based on how big I think the new Cap movie will be, it should easily pass those two figures. The Hotbox predicts old man Cap and drunkin' Downey will surpass $500 million domestically and will near the $1 billion figure internationally. Give Deadpool a sequel and it will make more, but if it stays at an R rating, it will limit the amount of children's brains and youth it can ruin.
And 'chimichangas,' because if I said 'Mom', the WRNL buttholes would never shut up about it.
Hottest of boxes,
What should I get Coach Prohm for Valentine's Day? Is a card with a picture of Hoiberg with little hearts floating around his head inappropriate? Is it more of less inappropriate if I add "You're my #1 favorite hoopsketball coach (other than the obvious)" on the inside?
Coach Campbell was easy to get a gift for. I gave him a 6er of a homebrew I call Red Nitro (1/2 Red Bull, 1/2 Guinness) for staying leveled out on the recruiting trail, a framed picture of the Sukup Endzone in sexy lingerie, and a coupon for a free cup of nacho cheese with the purchase of a regular order of fries at BBop's.
Oh so you mean something like thisssssss:
You probably made this soooo I give you permission (?) to give this as a three-week-old Valentine's gift. What kind of monster wouldn't start swooning by staring longingly into this Greek God of Hoopskeball's eyes. I feel like it's this, or you need to get Dreamy (or at worst Aaron Eckhart, who will star in the Movie of Dreamy) to go give Coach Prohm a sexy candygram.
And graphik, I'm super happy for these super popular and rich sports coaches that you're getting these extravagant V-Day gifts for. But there is something you're missing... WHERE'S THE HOTBOX'S DAMN VALENTINE, HUH?
The Hotbox is insulted.
Favorite movie you've seen over the past month...
If you so happened to read the question about a couple movies a few posts above this, you will find it. I went to Deadpool thinking this was going to just be an over-the-top raunchy comic book movie that just doesn't know when it goes too far. But actually, that movie gave me the giggles like a little girl. Watching that dreamboat Ryan Reynolds be a potty mouth while getting "pegged" was a first on the big screen. THE ORIGINALITY AND CREATIVITY REALLY WORKED WELL HERE.
4 SHARTS for Deadpool.
Question for the Caja Caliente
How many goats/chickens/BigXIIrefs must be sacrificed to ensure the Jayhawks don't win the Big XII regular season title in 2016/17 and by whom (I'm currently battling NCAA eligibility restrictions)?
"However many goats/chickens/Big XII refs that have been harmed or killed in the making of this horrible yet undeniably amazing streak," is your answer. We all know that the biggest benefactor of this 12-year-long streak has been the Big 12 refs. Mr. Self knows not to bite the hand that feeds him (unless they had a previous arrangement beforehand to get a T late in the first half). So as much as the Hotbox loves himself some chicken (not eating or killin' any goats), we need to sacrifice ALL the Big 12 refs until they die from it....figuratively OF COURSE.
We need to make little voodoo lookin' dolls and do terrible things to them. So if anything actually bad happens to them, we have plausible deniability with our Big 12 Ref Dolls. WRNL $ALE$ IDEA?!?!?
***The Hotbox doesn't condone the killing of Human/Zebra hybrids. Zemans have rights too, man.***
Iowa State doesn't have a baseball team. What if we make our own unofficial intramural baseball team. Call ourselves something "punny" dealing with Cyclones, and obviously instead of Gatorade we have Natty Lites in the coolers.
Wouldn't it be something, since Iowa State did away with baseball, if they set up say, a club baseball team or something. It's technically above an intramural team, so unless you're into real hardball baseball, you might not even make the squad.
And again, unfortunately since this is a club team they will take the name Cyclones. But if you are really looking for a good intramural team name, the Hotbox is all over it. Well, kinda. I don't have any good baseball names but I have the garsh darn best basketball team name in the history of space and time. For my senior year of intramural basketball, my elite squad flew under the banner of, "Three Seconds in Elaine".
I will be accepting royalties for any usage henceforth and forever.
"I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow."