Iowa State Alumnus Interested in Men's Basketball Coaching Vacancy

A few days ago, an application to be the next Iowa State men's basketball assistant coach was sent to Steve Prohm, Jamie Pollard, and several various media outlets. Wide Right & Natty Lite, being a pillar of the Iowa State journalistic community, received a copy of this application, and felt it was our duty to pass it along to our readers.

The application is from a graduate of Iowa State University, one whose desire for the job may come as a surprise to some, but not to those who know the man or have been around the ISU program in recent years. It is my personal opinion that Steve Prohm could do no better than to hire this man, who will undoubtedly be a terrific asset to the program.

Without further ado, WRNL presents the application of the man likely to become Steve Prohm's new assistant coach.

Cover Letter

April 14, 2016

Dear Coach Prohm,

In response to the Iowa State Men's Basketball Assistant Coach opening, I am writing to express my interest and to submit my application for the position.

Currently, I am working in North Carolina, familiarizing myself with east coast prospects, coaches, and developing relationships with the east coast AAU circuits. I have been in the Midwest my whole life and could convince any recruit in Iowa, the Dakotas, Minnesota, and Wisconsin that Ames is the place to be. I thought it would be beneficial to broaden my recruiting pipeline to reel the best talent into Iowa State.

In addition to my broad recruiting pipeline, I have a strong commitment to networking and developing players throughout the program. I have previous experience in EA Sports NCAA Basketball & most recently NBA 2K16 with your former college players Isaiah Cannon and Cameron Payne. I won't take all the credit as I know you had some influence in the development process in their college careers, but I built off of that momentum and I have made them perennial NBA All-Stars, averaging 27 points and 12 assists per game on the same team.

How, you may ask? I was able to utilize my recruiting abilities to persuade an opposing GM to make a blockbuster trade he couldn't refuse and I turned the Minnesota Timberwolves into the 2016 NBA Champions. Even though I consider myself a go-to recruiter, I have flourished in the X's and O's when called upon. My championship run is just the most recent example of the high caliber success I've had adjusting my rotations and schemes to play at "Future Hall of Famer Status."

Attached to this application is a PowerPoint, which provides a more detailed description of my qualifications, characteristics on why I fit, and previous experiences related to the Assistant Coach position. However, listed below are some of my key strengths:

• Being an alumni from Iowa State, I can recruit passion, integrity, and stardom to Iowa State
• Schools like Kentucky, Duke, and UNC have offered me coaching gigs due to my "Get Buckets" philosophy and recruiting them to the ground in EA Sports NCAA Basketball
• Persuasive communication with GMs, high school/AAU coaches, and recruits
• Fusing X's and O's with roster and developing strategies to adjust game to game

I am continually impressed with Iowa State basketball, and wish to make a contribution to the success of the Iowa State Men's Basketball program. As mentioned previously, my resume is attached for your review. Please feel free to contact me at XXX.XXX.XXXX.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Michael Theis

Application

Very strong work experiences, bound to impress Coach Prohm and Jamie Pollard.

Michael already has a few plays in mind, with matching diagrams to go with them? Fantastic stuff, really.

Wants to play the "steal the ball as soon as the other team inbounds it after a made hoop" defense... Every opposing coach I know hates this bold strategy.

#cornfed.

Quite the impressive list of accolades. Sources can confirm that "basically everyone" has offered him head coaching jobs at some point. We reached out to Gary Barta to see if Iowa had been interested. Barta responded: "No comment."

Two slides of accolades? "NBA's Next Best Thing Forever" is a pretty prestigious award, my sources tell me.

There you have it fans. Is there any way we can go wrong with bringing Michael into the fold as the next Cyclone MBB assistant coach? He believes in "Getting Buckets," loves recruiting, has the ability to connect with younger players AND recruit the Midwest, and has a host of coaching accolades to boot.

We are expecting a decision to be made in the next few days, and our money is on Michael.