Iowa State Athletics Concessions Suggestions

The food bought at a concession stand can make or break a person's game day experience. While there always seems to be complaints about lack of service, bad service, or long lines, the most important part of any concession stand experience is the food. If the food falls flat, everything else sucks.

Here are some suggestions Iowa State can look into using to improve their concession consumption experiences as well as overall quality and happiness while reducing complaints.

Alcohol

"There are enough idiots that do things that make you go ‘my gosh, what were they thinking?' and to put on top of that alcohol throughout the stadium would get rid of any moral high ground."

Jamie Pollard was clearly speaking to the WRNL faithful when he made these comments in a 2015 interview with KCCI.

We may be idiots, Mr. Pollard, but we can handle our alcohol. Sure, we may do stupid things when we're drunk, but unlike Jamie Foxx, we are not going to blame it on the alcohol. We're going to blame it on wanting to have a good time watching Iowa State athletics. So we like to have a little fun with booze - sue us.

Wait, no... Please don't.

But please, sit down Mr. Pollard. We need to talk.

You used to be fun. Remember in 2011 when you told Randy Peterson alcohol is "clearly a significant revenue stream in a day when we have to create revenue." Gold, Jamie! Gold!

I am no financial expert, but in my humble opinion, you could pay off any fine for any crazy rant you wanted to go on about Big 12 officiating off just one game's revenue of alcohol sales alone. Shoot, you could probably afford Paul Rhoads' buyout after a season or two of selling cold ones alone. We are Iowa State, after all.

Dippin Dots

First, hats off to the Dippin Dots company. Their president does stuff right. Create a cheap product kids will love, give them a small sample that's just enough to get them addicted, and then charge their parents $12 for a cup of miniature ice cream testicles.

I'll admit, we probably won't make much of a profit off of this. But with our program featuring the famous Clone Cone, this would be a golden opportunity to introduce "The Clone Cone of the Future!"

Featuring strawberry and banana only Dippin Dots, the Clone Cone of the Future will be a sure hit amongst parents tired of their sloppy children and those who are embarrassed their kids can't eat their damn ice cream off a cone without a bowl holding it up.

Fries

This is more of a WTF. I very well may be in the minority here, but who the hell goes to a football game with the expectation to get a whole meal inside the game? Isn't that what tailgating is for?

I have never been as embarrassed as I was the first time my friend sat next to me in the student section with one of the greatest looking burgers I've ever seen on a stack of fries.

I don't care if it's curly, waffle, potato skin, smiley face, wrinkled, or french. Fries do not belong in a football game. In the blink of an eye, we're going to have a choice of sides with our burgers. Coleslaw, refried beans, and side salads are going to be running rampant around Jack Trice, and I will not have any of it!

However, cheeseballs are acceptable.

Hot Dog

I don't care if I'm raising my risk of cancer, I don't care how it's made. I just want a damn hot dog. The bigger and juicier the better. But I can get a big and juicy frankfurter anywhere, make this one special, Jamie.

Get a ton of nacho cheese and red Tostito chips. Throw the cheese on the dog first, crunch up those red chips and throw them on top, and voila, you have an Iowa State branded hot dog.

Now we just need a name. Iowa State Dog is just boring, and CloneFurter sounds like a bowel issue. Which is why I propose "Cy's Weiner."

Vendors

"GET YA PEANUTS HEEERRRUUUHHHHHH"

If I hear that one or two times a quarter, I'm happy. I don't have to leave my seat to get my opportunity for food or drink. Sure, it may get annoying, but it beats the hell out of waiting in any lines. Just tell the vendors to say their sales pitch once or twice a quarter and then get the hell out of the section.

Additionally, this is a job that anyone can do. Give this to the kids doing charity for church, or the old people that just want to volunteer for Iowa State. We don't need any professionals like Snapdragon the Chicago beer vendor, just find me someone who will deliver me some food so my fat ass doesn't have to get out of the seat and wait in line.

Online Order

Not a fan of those annoying vendors interrupting the pride of Iowa State - the Iowa State University Cyclone Football Varsitttyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Marching Band - playing the first down marker?

Well, there's good news and bad news. The good news is this idea is genius, and I may become a billionaire after this is published. The bad news is it'll never happen at Jack Trice or Hilton because it requires cell service that actually works.

Basically, download an app and put your credit card or debit card information in. Click on the concession stand that you plan on visiting, and find the food or drink of choice. You receive a number when you are done with your order. Simply walk up to the pick-up counter during your break, tell them your name and show them your number, and your food is ready without standing in a line for 20 minutes.

Sure, this won't help you get a footlong corndog or Papa Johns because those small, individual vendors wouldn't be able to staff an extra person or two for a pickup line, but who needs a footlong corndog when Cy's Weiner is right next door?

Do you have any concession suggestions for Jamie Pollard? Write them in the comments below, and make sure your voice is heard!