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Iowa State Basketball Assistant Coaching Candidate Receives Glowing Letter of Recommendation

There's no way this guy doesn't get the job now.

Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

Since we posted his application on Tuesday, support for Michael Theis to become the next assistant coach for Iowa State men's basketball has been overwhelming. Today, his case got even stronger.

On top of being a proponent of the "Get Buckets" offensive approach, which features the groundbreaking plays "Rover" and "KOBE," Theis has now added a fantastic letter of recommendation to his case. With the following letter, his selection as assistant coach for ISU is almost guaranteed, which should make Cyclone fans everywhere extremely excited.

Here's the letter of recommendation, in full, which has been placed on Steve Prohm's desk:

Dear Coach Prohm,

Recently you received an application for employment for an assistant coach reporting to you at Iowa State University. I would like to share with you my thoughts on Mr. Michael Theis and how he can help bring some hardware to Hilton Coliseum:

Commitment to ISU: Revolving doors are strenuous situations for head coaches. I know that you can think of a hundred more qualified people, and in reality there are tens of thousands more qualified... but think of that advantage. Realistically, it's highly doubtful that he would be on anyone's short list for a head coaching position. And I realize that in your background check you'll see that he was an avid supporter of the America Needs Another Lawyer proposal, but I assure you it was a dedication to upholding the U.S. legal system and not an endorsement of Iowa City Community College. He is a committed Cyclone.

Getting Things: If you want a basketball at practice, Mr. Theis will place it in your hands. If you want a cold Natty Light, he will check the "born on" date and pop that top for you! And I assure you that he won't drink your beer either - he upholds the true principles of BYOB. He is a man of integrity, without a doubt.

Perspective: I'm not talking about the perspective of a fan, but rather taking the floor. Michael is not a tall person. Standing next to him, you will seem 4 inches taller, and when he is standing with the team, other teams will be intimidated by the sheer size and stature of our men's basketball team in comparison to Michael's.

Sales Training: At his current employer, Michael has been trained to sell. And a selling machine he is! He can convince people that Ames, IA is the true home of superheroes and childhood fables. He will bring recruits back and convince their families to purchase large volumes of Cyclone apparel, which should definitely please your boss, Mr. Pollard.

Diversity: I am talking your personal financial portfolio, Mr. Prohm. You truly need to consider diversity in investing. And since you are at the finest agronomic institution in the US - growing some corn may not be a bad idea. Mr. Theis can lead you to the promised land through some golden grain. His agronomic training should easily put him 20 bushels over the knowledge of most other assistant coaches in the Big 12. And when you hear the Iowa Corn Growers promotions - you can stand proud seeing your checkoff dollars at work!

I can come up with many more reasons why Michael is what your basketball program needs, but I don't need to repeat his success in other coaching and management roles in elite programs in EA sports. I wish you the very best in your hiring process and upcoming season.

Go Cyclones!

S. Koehler
Iowa State Alum
National Cyclone Club Member

With this endorsement from Mr. Koehler, Mr. Theis should have the position all but locked up. Stay tuned in the coming days for an official announcement on the currently-vacant assistant coaching position.