clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Texan Week: Introducing Matthew McConaughey Shark

New, 3 comments

To commemorate the annual summer pastime of Shark Week we bring back a tried and true series with a new spin to it.

Alright, alright, al-CHOMP-right.
Alright, alright, al-CHOMP-right.

Long before WRNL was known around the world country state we were a small, rag tag operation that was hosted on WordPress. Back in the good old days of the Wild West of faux journalism we did off-the-wall articles with little to no fanfare.

That is until Iowa State played Utah in the fall of 2010 and we hatched an idea that made so much sense but was ludicrous at the same time: Mormon Week. It was dumb, and awesome, and dumb, and still awesome.

Now, just like the Discovery channel, we're hurting for fresh content in the summer, and while Discovery has had the luxury of living on an annual hit with Shark Week each year we just sit here during the summer devising new ways to humiliate Bruce Van De Velde for cutting baseball over 15 years ago. BUT THAT IS ABOUT TO CHANGE.

Submitted for your pleasure: TEXAN WEEK. First up, everyone's favorite Texan that gets older while we stay the same age: Matthew McConaughey.

The Matthew McConaughey Shark

Alright, alright, alright. McConaughey shark is known for his ability to neverever wear a shirt and a dire devotion to the state of Texas. McConaughey shark got his start when he commented on the benefits of freshman shark pups and how they never aged. The early parts of his shark hunting career were spent learning the ropes of the industry in forgettable roles such as Shark Williams in the remake of Angels in the Outfield.

Over time, McConaughey shark shed his good ole shark routine and started to take on meatier, tastier roles such as himself in Sex and the City, Edison Shark in The Wedding Planner, and the unforgettable How to Lose a Shark in 10 Days.

However, his breakthrough role might have come as an AIDS stricken shark in The Dallas Buyers Club that won him the oft sought after Oscar.

Along the way, McConaughey shark has taken his fin and used it in a variety of endorsement deals, most notably for Lincoln submarines. It was during one of these commercials that McConaughey shark developed a deep respect for Bull sharks. Now, whenever McConaughey shark crosses paths with a Bull shark in the sea, he will show respect by taking the long swim around the Bull shark's territory.

Although we really want to put some bite into this write up, we will freely admit that this shark is one of our favorite native Texans. Laid back, not likely to bite, but always likely to entertain, the McConaughey shark is definitely the most pleasant shark we'll encounter during Texan Week.