Texan Week: Ken Starr The Forgetful Shark

Welcome to Part 2 of #TexanWeek here at WRNL. Yesterday we covered everyone's favorite chill shark, Matthew McConaughey. Today we will not be so kind. See, there's this shark, born in the panhandle of Texas just off the Red River that has gained fame not only for his hypocrisy, but also for his inability to remember anything of substance. A shark whose forgetful nature and lack of teeth makes him not a shark at all, but more like a blue fish, more like a Dory and less like a Bruce. Ladies and gentlemen we present you the most forgetful shark of all: Kenneth W. Starr.

The Ken Starr Shark Blue Fish

Despite his humble beginnings in the Red River, the Ken Star Blue Fish sought fame and fortune and chose the law as his way to climb to the top. After educating himself at Duke he became the first fish to ever be named a federal judge. A rather mundane career on the bench led him to becoming an independent counsel whose most famous case was his investigation of Bill Clinton while the latter was President of the United States. After the whole fiasco where Clinton redefined the word "is" Starr moved on to private practice.

While Starr's journey isn't nearly as exciting or as uplifting as that of Dory's from Finding Nemo or Finding Dory his notoriety is something straight out of a Hollywood script. Starr was out of the public consciousness for the better part of a decade until he resurfaced as Baylor's President in 2010 and later their Chancellor in 2013. A quiet couple of years on the surface gave away to a whole lot of shit hitting the fan last fall.

Up until this point no one really knew what would happen when you appoint a forgetful fish to the most important position on your campus, but soon we all found out. He missed a candlelight vigil outside of his house, most likely to help other fish on their journeys towards becoming abysmal citizens. He sat silently while more and more players who were accused of assault took the field, and then told a local TV station that he "may have" seen an e-mail sent directly to him from one of the victims.

But the best part may have been when his specially trained public relations shark, who has been by his side for 20 years, convinced him to give the station three different answers. Cue flashbacks to the original forgetful fish, Roger Clemens.

What made Dory the Blue Fish so charming was her upbeat attitude and "just keep swimming" mantra. Unfortunately the Starr Blue Fish was born in to a different school of thought: "just keep denying, just keep denying". We'd love to say that karma will catch up with the fish in the future, but we all know he's just as likely to forget about it before moving on to his next "adventure".