While the Cyclones enter 2016 with many storylines, no story has been more closely followed than that of the football team’s rebooted entrance to Jack Trice Stadium.
This area is a sore subject for Cyclone fans both young and old. Smoke on the Water essentially signaled the beginning of yet another beatdown, and the smoke itself reminded fans of the program’s many faults and failures stretching all the way back to the Gene Chizik era.
Thankfully, new head coach Matt Campbell and his staff have brought youth, fun, and a little bit of flair to the football program. One of the first things they established: Smoke on the Water must go. Now, while the song that will replace it is still being determined, details of the entrance itself have begun to surface.
It was first reported by the Iowa State Daily that the use of fire and pyrotechnics had been approved by the City of Ames.
This breaking news lit a fire under some of our dedicated staff writers here at WRNL. We have managed, through phone taps and the cooperation of some highly-placed confidential inside sources, to track down a list of potential football entrances for the first game of the 2016 season.
Option 1: Matt Campbell rides in on a huge lion, Katy Perry Style
This option is the favorite of many WRNL staffers. At first, it was hard to believe the university would be willing to fund a venture as expensive as this, but when you compare the cost of this entrance to stadium and weight room renovations, this would appear to be chump change to a guy like Jamie Pollard.
This entrance features the players emerging in the darkness, illuminated only by giant columns of fire. The staff is also hoping to get the Big 12 Refs involved...
Option 2: Team runs out to smoke and fire, but cheerleaders replaced with Vegas show girls
Nothing adds glamour and flair like some lovely ladies from the sunset strip. Want to motivate your players, entertain fans, and woo recruits at the same time? This is the easy choice for you.
Possibly the best part of this option is using the marching band to play sultry jazz tunes as the players take the field. Word on the street is that the walk-ons may even perform a kickline routine during the opening kickoff.
Option 3: The entire entrance is a WWE tribute
Matt Campbell is a huge fan of professional wrestling, so this style of entrance should come as a surprise to no one. It all begins with Campbell and his staff riding to Jack Trice Stadium on top of a stolen Coors Light truck, after stopping by the student lots of course. From there, Campbell strolls out of the tunnel Vince McMahon style.
His players follow close behind, sliding down the tunnel in desk chairs. Players then take turns practicing their favorite WWE moves on the opposing team’s mascot as they make their way to the home sideline.
It has also been rumored that if this option is adopted, Alpha Sigma Phi fraternity would swap out their trademark cannon for a WWE wrestling bell.
Option 4: Cyclone Football pays homage to football and VEISHEA traditions
As soon as the sirens sound, students recruited from the haunted forest lots will push a large burning dumpster down the tunnel and onto the field. Once it reaches the north end zone, Campbell rolls in on the Cyclone fire truck, and proceeds to douse the fire with a mixture of warm Natty Light and Lake Laverne water (essentially the same thing, really).
The players will then make their way out of the tunnel, led by the team captains and a defensive lineman holding a “Cyclone Power” sign, and fireworks light up the night sky overhead.
The most important part of this moving tribute are the contents of the dumpster: Deep Purple albums, Chizik coins, uneaten cherry pies, leftover Flying Burrito, an overturned Toyota Corolla, and any t-shirt made to commemorate a Cyclone football victory.
Option 5: Matt Campbell bursts through the wall of the Jacobson Building like the Kool-Aid man
Talk about making an entrance... WRNL has been informed that the south wall of the Jacobson Building is really just breakaway plastic, and is easily replaced. Therefore, at the exact moment that the pregame music reaches its most dramatic moment, Campbell will burst through the wall screaming “OHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAA!”
The team will simultaneously run through the tunnel, and Campbell will crowd surf his way down the marching band bleachers until he reaches the team, who will then carry him all the way to the Cyclone bench.
Option 6: The Miracle at Jack Trice Stadium
Picture this scene...
** The crowd is on the edge of their seats, eagerly awaiting the beginning of the Matt Campbell era... The lights dim, and a whisper of excitement spreads through the crowd. Beers that students sneaked in are quickly downed.
Smoke rolls out of the tunnel and onto the field. From somewhere in the heavens, a bright light appears and illuminates the tunnel. The field shimmers, as if it were a sheet of glass. Fans are shocked when they realize that the substance on the field is not glass; it’s water. Clean, pure, tasty Ames water.
All of a sudden, Smoke on the Water starts to blare from the speakers. Fans of all ages look at each other in disbelief, their brains unable to process what is unfolding in front of them. The student section falls into a drone-like stupor and tries to clap with the beat, failing miserably.
Matt Campbell emerges, clad in a white hat and matching white polo along with stark white khakis. He steps onto the water, and begins to make his way across the field. He slowly and methodically WALKS ON THE WATER all the way to the middle of the field. When he reaches the 50 yard line, loud rock and roll blares from the speakers. The stunned crowd awakens, and rioting/mass chaos ensues. **