Nine days is a long time for anything. Spending nine days in a tent in sub-freezing Iowa January weather? That’s an eternity.
So why would ISU students choose to spend NINE DAYS outside braving freezing temps and boredom all while using sleeping bags on pavement? Because they love Iowa State Cyclone Basketball. They love it so much they’re willing to weather brutal conditions for over 200 hours while most of the rest of the Midwest complains about the cold during the 30 second walk to their car in the morning.
While this all sounds rough, at least they have booze and portable heaters!
Oh wait, they don’t. That’s not tolerated by big brother Iowa State DPS and their apparent and shocking new enforcer, Cy the mascot.
That’s right, Cy, that wonderful winner of mascot contests and internet polls, that smiling, beaked supporter of all things ISU. Cy of all people, is out in the cold torturing the very fans that want nothing more than to cheer for their team and survive winter’s onslaught.
This video released by the university shows just how ugly it’s gotten:
Cy, it’s like we don’t even know you anymore. The Cy we know and love would help open that beer. The Cy we know would share his electric personality AND his electricity with students so that they could stay warm.
Would the Cy we know make you pack up FIVE HOURS before tipoff? Hell no, our Cy might even offer to let you take them down the next day – shit, our Cy might even offer to do it for you!
So here we are. Cy’s got rules.
Oh, and that video clip doesn’t even contain all the rules. WRNL has obtained a more comprehensive list of Cy’s rules for virtuous living.
Cy’s Complete List of RulesCy says: “The campus library tiers are for silent reading of materials, there is to be no banging”
Cy says: “A bong is the sound the Campanile makes, it’s not for beer or marijuana”
Cy says: “A lady’s skirt should never show more than half of her ankles”
Cy says: “Are you thinking of acting in a riotous manner? STOP and put that sign down”
Cy says: “Red solo cups are the devil.”
Cy says: “In bed by eight makes a student’s grades great!”
Cy says: “It appears you’re starting to consider parking that car in an non-permitted space – here’s a parking ticket for even thinking about it”
Cy says: “Two shakes is plenty for me when I take my pee”
Cy says: “I’ll never go blind”
Cy says: “Liquor before beer? How about hydrating with water and a vitamin supplement instead? Then discard that beer”
Cy says: “There will be no flipping of any cups”
Cy says: “Hilton seems terribly loud, perhaps consider a more reasonable cheering volume”
Cy says: “Please don’t tailgate, otherwise in jail you shall wait”
Cy says: “Cy doesn’t actually roost at any bars on Welch, and neither should you”
Cy says: “Most exercise is good for you, but running on campus at midnight is not”
The new laws have already been laid down by Iowa State and its Department of Public Safety, so there’s little anyone can do. President Leath has made it plane to see that having fun will no longer be allowed to fly at Iowa State University.
Good luck ISU students, and know that WRNL stands with you, even if your own mascot does not.