Let me start off by saying, it feels DAMN GOOD to be wanted. As previously noted, the disgraced overthrown Dictator Fitz had issued a state sponsored press release about yours truly working for the MAN. The reality is that he and his cronies were actively silencing me from spewing the hottest of takes and truths for the masses. What a meany!
Then I caught wind that Dictator Fitz was giving up control of his regime so he could go conquer bigger and better Cyclone things with more #CLICKS. GOOD RIDDANCE, I SAY! But here’s where the good feels come in. Levi, the handpicked successor of WRNL, ending up running things a bit differently than DicFitz anticipated. Just like the Packers and Brett Favre, the “team” will inevitably make amends of the previous transgressions and wrongdoings placed upon a fan favorite. I was reluctant at first, but the new leadership relayed onto me that #CyclONEnation was urning for the Takes that were Hot and the Truths that were True. You can only keep a Hack Blogger down so long. Feels DAMN GOOD to be back.
To the Box:
Is Emma Watson hot, or the hottest? I'll hang up and listen @Derek_Kramer11.— Kevin Fitzpatrick (@KFitzy87) October 16, 2017
Speak of the dictator, it’s Fitz! Here to try and ruin my existence again. In the course of his enhanced intergation techniques, DicFitz and his stooges were able to garner one piece of juicy infomation out of me.
Emma Watson is not hot.
She is hot to all the young little nerd boys who grew up fantazing about shooting their wizard wa(n)ds in the company of ANY girls. Emma Watson’s very ficitional character gave these horny nerdboys hope that females liked magic. Nobody likes magic. And these nerdboys are so desperate to feel ANYTHING from the opposite sex, they totally overlooked the fact that she is an adolecent Justin Bieber doppleganger.
So it seems I’m not the only REAL MAN out there who AIN’T NO NERD. Some genius was tasked with designing a Emma Watson doll...and the results couldn’t be better.
Does pineapple belong on pizza?— Matt Nelson (@MNelson_ISU) October 16, 2017
Short answer: YES
Long answer: It’s complicated.
Pineapple definitely belongs on HAWAIIAN pizza. Sometimes I just really want to get tropical and the unique freshness and pop of pineapple on Hawaiian pizza brings out the islander in me. Might as well roast a pig and catch some killer waves, cause I’m chillin’ bruh.
But put JUST pineapple on pizza? Honestly, that doesn’t feel like pizza to me. That’s a stupid health kick. How bout Meat Lovers? Supreme? Chicken Bacon Ranch from Jeff’s? WHERE DOES IT END?!? At Hawaiian pizza, that’s where.
Would you describe Baker Mayfield's sobbing as "uncontrollable" or "beneath the dignity of any carbon-based lifeform"?— Toad To Omaha (@ToadToOmaha) October 16, 2017
Wait, what? Did I miss somthing?
Oh okay, I think I’m picking up what you’re putting down. Toad here is either referring to Mr. Mayfield’s run in with authorities this off-season or...
And whatever crying is fine. The Box doesn’t cry cause I’m a strong man, but if SOME GUY can become like the Meme of 2016, the more power to ya. We are all looking for our big break.
Should the B12 Title game go to the two teams with the largest margin of victory over KU? Are they the perfect HMBIGTS yardstick?— Adam Haar (@CornFedIABoy) October 17, 2017
As much as I would love to say our 45 point margin of victory would be at least good enough for the second highest against KU in the Big 12....it feels very unlikely. KU already had the pleasure of a 46 point loss to Taco Tech and this weeks matchup is shaping up to be a real doozy. FOX decided that they were going to air a public execution against TCU...in prime time. We are still awaiting a response from the FCC on the matter, but KU fans have already spoken:
Please peruse the replies to this tweet at your leisure...they are a DELIGHT. KU should honestly offer donors space where they can place Twitter replies on banners and hang them throughout the “stadium”. Gotta pay for that expansion somehow!
In conclusion, we won’t be top two in point differential and idk what HMBIGTS cause I ain’t no NERD who know’s acronyms.
Time to go to the Facebook comments where I’m absolutely terrified to show the readers real names for obvious reasons. Facebook comments will be the end of humanity.
If we can get by tech this weekend can we get college gameday for the TCU vs. ISU game for first place in the big 12? ;)
That’s very cute of you to think there Elton, but not a chance in hell. Quick glance at next weeks schedule and the obvious choice would be Penn St. vs. Ohio St. Hell, they would probably go to Okie St. vs. WVU or NC State (!) vs. Notre Dame.
And come to think of it, Corso would have an aneurysm trying to figure out why our mascot head is a bird when he just called us the Cyclones. Nobody wants that.
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
African or European? The reason I ask is because The Box only had time to conduct research* for the European Swallow so my apologies for slacking.
The answer: 24 MPH
*may or may not be Box preformed research*
Will we have to wait for Allen Lazard's son to be on the team to see another win over OU?
Perhaps. I have a feeling that OU is wanting to take that loss out on us for the foreseeable future, which I understand. I hope that is not the case but if it is, The Box is more than ready to bear children for Al Catchino. I haven’t quite figured out the biology/physics of the matter, but I have figured out I LOVE AL CATCHINO.
In the meatloaf classic "I would do anything for love", what is it that he is referring to in which he will not do? Something that may seem a little too far, even for a fat guy with a mullet who is in love.
Fun Fact: The thing Meatloaf hates the most is actually performing “I Would Do Anything for Love”! The Loaf:
“I just I hate having to go perform it. Because it was such a big hit, the audience expects perfection. And in a live situation there is never perfection.
I’m always upset at the end of the night because I’m thinking ‘I screwed [it] up again, damn it!”
So there you have it. Meatloaf would not perform “I Would Do Anything for Love”, for love. So meta.
What’s up with Park? Will he get to start when he’s ready to play?
For maybe the first time in the Box’s history I do not have an answer. I’m rusty! There is speculation about what exactly is going on and I am NOT going to play into that. The team isn’t telling us and that’s usually a sign that it is personal. This poster was spotted in the football office:
NONE of us are ready for this ship to sink. But speaking of sinking ships...
Are you ready to start losing again?
NOPE WE ARE GOING UNDEFEATED THE REST OF THE WAY! PLAYOFF HERE WE COMMMMEEEEEEEEE.
PSA: Don’t be like Jason.
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