WRNL Mailbag: Kickers vs Punters, Tailgates, and the ISU Starter Pack

Ladies and gentlemen, the off-season is in full swing!

The NBA post-season has given way to the NBA Draft/free agency talks/Woj bombs, bandwagon Cubs fans are beginning to jump back off as the Cubbies’ play thus far has been less than stellar, and Cyclone fans are relegated to digesting near-meaningless stat lines from Capital City League games.

To liven things up a little, I asked you all for questions, and you have responded with some absolute beauts. Let’s begin, shall we?

@TedFlintKansas: Do you have any actual proof your tailgate exists? Or do you just enjoy having people search for it and never find it?

Ted Flint chimes in with our first question, which is one that has gone unanswered for years it feels like. If I remember correctly, my mildly intoxicated self once tried to help Mr. Kansas find our tailgate, but was unable to give any sort of clear directions due to my...er... state of mind. Our tailgate, unlike Hawkeye fans who have a degree from Iowa, actually exists! That being said, I myself have gotten lost searching for the rapey-looking van in the intramural field parking lot.

If you see something like this with a tall, nerdy-looking guy and an Asian man nearby grilling various meats and hazing younger WRNL staffers, you’ve likely found the tailgate.

...BUT, we may be changing the location of our tailgate yet again this year, so stay tuned for that info.

@Lee0107_: Am I crazy to think making the 1st block of Welch a no-traffic ped mall street would help a ton for general Welch atmosphere?

Lee0107_, Thanks for the question! Honestly, I’ve wondered this myself for years. The answer is an easy and obvious YES. Paving ³⁄₄ of Welch Ave with brick and planting trees down the middle would easily enhance this street, and give bars/ISU a nice venue for events. While I know that the fire station is a potential problem, it can be dealt with by simply going around the block to get to Lincoln Way, which is probably easier than dealing with crowds/poorly parked cars on Welch Ave.

@tom_danielson: What are four essential items for the Iowa State fan starter pack?

Tom Danielson, formerly known as RevDizz, poses an extensional question that is worth some serious discussion. What four items best characterize all that encompasses being an Iowa State fan?

Here’s my stab at it:

Tailgating is an integral part of being an ISU fan. We tailgate in force for football games, college students tailgate in line for basketball games at Hilton Coliseum, and I even saw a few families tailgating graduation this spring. Spirit is another staple that Cyclone fans are known for, and we also like drinking spirits. Natty Light doesn’t even need to be explained. And, sadly, neither does the last item.

@VegasCyclown: Are Weed Scientists called “Weedies”? If not, why so?

For those of you who don’t know, I got my Master’s Degree in Weed Science. Yes, it is a real, actual science. No, I did not study any weeds in the Cannabaceae family. We are called weed scientists, much like those who study agronomy are agronomists. Weedies is a rather fun name, Vegas Cyclown, and I’ll be sure to pass it along to the proper authorities.

@_AlexGookin: How many beers could you chug at an Iowa State tailgate while others take a shuttle ride from the commuter lots to get to Kinnick?

Gookin, you always have great ideas and questions, and for this we all thank you. I’ve actually got some insight on this question, as I once walked from the west side-ish of Iowa City to the stadium, and it literally took an HOUR. That entire campus is about as spread out as the old British Empire. THE SUN NEVER SETS ON IOWA’S STUPID CAMPUS.

On a warm football Saturday, a determined Iowa State fan such as myself can easily drink 5-6 room temperature Natty Lights in an hour, and potentially more depending on the means of beer delivery and how busy of a Sunday I have planned.

@CCunnningham29: At ISU, you can have the best kicker in CFB for the next four years, or best punter. Who do you take?

CCunningham29, what a terrific question.

There are so many angles to consider here. Iowa State had a terrific kicker last year in Cole Netten, a guy who generated more points than anyone in Iowa State history. Netten was definitely worth a lot to Iowa State, but he didn’t directly result in a better team or more wins (a kicker does not directly control this, however). The Cyclones have also had great punters recently (and thank goodness, as they were often the only bright spot on ISU’s team), and guys like Kirby Van Der Kamp definitely helped the Cyclone defense by flipping the field.

I could go either way with this question. However, I’m going to take the best kicker option. As a kicker can win/lose you games on one kick, having the best kicker is a huge plus. One caveat, of course, is that your team is good enough to get said kicker in position to have the opportunity to make field goals. Then again, maybe the best kicker in college football would have a literal cannon for a leg like Mason Crosby did in college...

BONUS QUESTION: I’ve seen this on Twitter, and wanted to tackle this one myself... Without further adieu, and this is not open to discussion, here are my top five cheeses:

1: Velveeta

2: Canned Cheese Wiz

3: The cheese that comes in those Kraft Handi-Snack Breadstick things

4: Individually wrapped american cheese singles

5: Swiss cheese