As we approach one of the most hyped Iowa State football seasons in recent memory, numerous Cyclones are appearing on various award watch lists.
SportClips Fabio Award
Given annually to the player whose hairstyle best represents personality, care, and volume bulging out of the bottom of the player’s helmet. Park is expected to be a top contender.
Most Pun-able Name Award
We Garrett-tee the Iowa State kicker will Owen the competition for this award.
The "Did You Know He Played With Nerlens Noel?" Award, presented by Fran Fraschilla
Presented annually to the person who will undoubtedly have the same interesting factoid brought up every single game by the television broadcast team. Joel Lanning and his notable switch to linebacker is an early favorite for the award.
Chumbawamba Tubthumper of the Year Award
Presented annually to the player who most demonstrates the ability to get knocked down, then get up again, Chase Allen is sure to be a favorite throughout the season. Prior to the 2016 season, the incoming freshman TE was literally hit by a car while trying to cross the street, then came down with a serious illness, delaying his incorporation into the offense and essentially requiring the coaching staff to redshirt the promising young player. Expect Allen to be an impact player on offense for the Cyclones in 2017.
Allen’s primary competition for the award is expected to be last year’s winner, FAU coach Lane Kiffin, as he somehow manages to find coaching jobs despite him being quite horrible at coaching.
The “Primary Source of Brian Ferentz’s Bitterness” Award
Matt Campbell & Iowa State’s scholarship offer list
The Cyclones have actually managed to land a couple spots on this prestigious and lengthy watch list. Both Coach Campbell and the coaching staff’s lengthy scholarship list (totaling over 300 names) have been known to irk the younger Ferentz. In a recent WRNL-exclusive interview, Ferentz added:
”I just don’t understand why I feel insecure about this. I mean, we have THE most exclusive and meaningful offer list, containing the most boring human beings ever to roam planet Earth. HOW IS CAMPBELL NOT JEALOUS. Everyone knows that an offer to play in the most mind-numbing offensive scheme ever conceived by mankind is the greatest gift one can possibly receive.”
Other leading contenders are thought to be the looming presence of Greg Davis’ extra-dimensional spectre and any pass play which results in a gain of more than 4 yards.
The David Irving “Can’t Be Stopped” Award
Given annually to the nation’s most disruptive defensive lineman that definitely won’t pull down a stop sign at VEISHEA, but will definitely somehow end up on the Dallas Cowboys, Ray Lima is gaining even more momentum for his hype train. Lima is sure to be a nuisance in the backfield of all Cyclone opposition this season. No word regarding the fates of any stop signs in the greater Ames metropolitan area.
The “Size Doesn’t Matter” Award
Given annually to the nation’s top player under 5’9”, Brian Peavy has made a name for himself over his career in Ames as a tough-nosed badass in the secondary. Over the course of the 2017 offseason, the Iowa State coaching staff has also raved about leadership abilities and work habits, helping to usher in the new culture of Cyclone football. The talented cornerback garnered All-Big 12 honors in 2016, and will likely be in the contention for more in 2017.