/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/56012491/sports_betting.0.jpg)
DISCLAIMER: Polls may not appear if using Google AMP or viewing the article through the Twitter mobile app.
We’re just about a month away from football season, and what better way to pass the time before the Super Bowl showdown against UNI than to throw your hard-earned money into a degenerative flurry of fake prop sporting bets?
Will Iowa State prove all the media pundits wrong by beating the 5.5 Over/Under mark that Vegas has tabbed them?
Will Allen Lazard break every receiving record at Iowa State?
But most importantly, will Matt Campbell come out to the Stone Cold Steve Austin theme song and douse himself in Advocare?
This, ladies and gentlemen, is the first annual ISU football fake sporting bet column.
First off, let me get to the rules of this completely made-up and ridiculous game. The only way to deposit funds into the WRNL fake overseas betting account is with the following:
1) Gene Chizik commemorative coins
2) Bill Snyder AARP cards
3) Bob Stoops hush money
If any of you actually have those invaluable Chizcoins still in possession, now is your time to dump them, before his stock crashes. Oh, wait.
Also, for any of you rookies out there, here is the tutorial on MINUS and PLUS. Instead of actually clicking on the link (like I know none of you will do) – here is how it works.
Every prop works off a standard $100 bet. If you see odds of MINUS $200, that means, you have to bet $200 to make $100. And vice-versa, PLUS $500, means the same as 5-to-1 odds, betting $100 to make $500. Got it – alright here we go.
Poll
Bet #1 - Will Jacob Park break the school record for most passing touchdowns in a season (20.5)?
This poll is closed
-
71%
1) OVER 20.5 (Minus-130)
-
28%
2) UNDER 20.5 (Plus-120)
It’s a bit embarrassing that no one has eclipsed that mark (set by Todd Bandhauer in 1997), especially in today’s landscape of video game stats and passes thrown all over the field. I’m gonna go with my instinct on this one, and bet the over.
Poll
Bet #2 - Who Will Jacob Park thank first after he wins the Heisman Trophy?
This poll is closed
-
38%
1) Jesus Christ (-5000)
-
61%
2) Field (Even)
The resemblance is uncanny. This is easy money, folks.
:no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/8977653/maxresdefault.jpg)
Poll
Bet #3 – Over/Under on 2.5 of these school records being broken by Allen Lazard – Receiving Yards in a Season (1073 is the mark to beat), Receptions in a Season (81), Touchdowns in a Season (9)
This poll is closed
-
62%
1) Over 2.5 (+175)
-
37%
2) Under 2.5 (-120)
Lazard's best seasonal statistics are 1018 yards, 69 catches, and 7 TDs, and he will eclipse a multitude of career records at ISU by the time he is done, but will he perform in record fashion in the 12 (or possibly 13) games he plays in 2017?
Poll
Bet #4 – Will the running back duo of David Montgomery and Mike Warren combine for 2,000 rushing yards or more in the 2017 season?
This poll is closed
-
57%
1) Yes (+300)
-
42%
2) No (-180)
In today’s pass-happy college game, a team having two backs capable of hitting the one thousand yard mark for the season is unusual. Both tailbacks reaching a thousand yards would be remarkable, though unlikely. That said, this bet is only asking for 2,000 yards COMBINED, not specifically 1,000 from each running back. Worth noting is Campbell’s last year at the helm in Toledo, in which he had two running backs reach 900 yards for the season.
:no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/8975931/usa_today_9560760.jpg)
Bet #5 – On a scale of hotness - from Susan Boyle to Megan Fox - what are the chances Iowa State receives an apology letter from the Big 12?
I’m not even going to give you the chance to vote on this one. The wall space is already being cleared for another Bob Bowlsby-signed plaque.
Poll
Bet #6 – Over/Under 0.5 Face plants for Coach Matt Campbell when bumping chests with a player on the field?
This poll is closed
-
59%
1) Over 0.5 (+500)
-
40%
2) Under 0.5 (-1500)
That #FridayFeeling when the Spring Game is tomorrow and the temperature is going to be in the 70s. #PackTheJack #CyclONEnation pic.twitter.com/Y1AY4Typad
— Cyclone Football (@CycloneFB) April 7, 2017
And this is the part where we throw all inhibitions to the wind, and get a little, shall I say, risky…
Poll
Bet #7 – Who wins in a beer shot-gunning contest?
This poll is closed
-
50%
1) Larry Eustachy (-1000)
-
15%
2) Troy Davis (-500)
-
14%
3) Vodka Sam (-750)
-
19%
4) Chris Williams aka Busch Light fanatic (-200)
Poll
Bet #8 – How much smoke will we see coming out of the tunnel for the first ISU game?
This poll is closed
-
39%
1) Smoke from your stereotypical uncle chain-smoking a pack of Marlboro Reds on the front porch
-
60%
2) Flare smoke at a Polish soccer game
:no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/8977801/maxresdefault.jpg)
Poll
Bet #9 - If you had to guess, what will be stolen out of the Iowa locker room during halftime of the CyHawk game (by an Iowa alum)?
This poll is closed
-
12%
1) Cell phones and cash (-1000), so original dude…
-
7%
2) Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (-600)
-
27%
3) Kirk Ferentz’s chewing gum (-200)
-
51%
4) Brian Ferentz’s jock strap (+500), because we all know he still wears one..
Poll
Bet #10 – Tommy Birch’s sources when reporting a story on Mike Warren’s absence from the team (hypothetically speaking, of course).
This poll is closed
-
10%
1) Travis Hines (-300)
-
31%
2) Travis Hines’ anonymous sources (-200)
-
28%
3) Anonymous sources (+100)
-
29%
4) Warren’s own mother (+500)
Poll
Bet #11 – Who will be Kansas State’s head coach when the Cyclones visit Kansas State on November 25th?
This poll is closed
-
42%
1) Bill Snyder (-600)
-
10%
2) Sean Snyder (+400)
-
29%
3) Gandalf the WHITE (+1000)
-
17%
4) Mark Mangino (+INFINITY)
Let’s be honest, Mangenius is truly un-hireable.
And last but not least, these are the true Vegas Odds (according to Bovada)
Poll
Bet #12 - Iowa State’s Over/Under for wins in 2017
This poll is closed
-
72%
1) OVER 5.5 Wins (+120)
-
28%
2) UNDER 5.5 Wins (-150)