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FBI Investigation Finds No Iowa Basketball Players Worthy of Impermissible Benefits

Iowa will not have to vacate any of their three Big Ten wins from this season

While the FBI investigation into college basketball’s latest scandal appears to have no end in sight, one school’s fans can breath a deep sigh of relief. Late Saturday afternoon the FBI announced that the University of Iowa men’s basketball program is off the hook as they found “no current or former players worthy of receiving impermissible benefits related to their basketball ability.”

This news appears to be the cherry on top for a fan base that has shrieked with excitement over the news that former rival point guard Monte Morris once ate breakfast.

It has long been known that Fran McCaffery runs his program the right way and his players are willing to vouch for him. Former felon Anthony Hubbard told WRNL there was nothing shady about his recruitment and relationship with McCaffery.

“Never once did he offer to buy me breakfast. When he’d come visit me in my cell, he’d always make sure the guards had brought me breakfast, but he refused to pick up the tab,” Hubbard stated.

While it is unclear whether meals and benefits furnished using taxpayer dollars are an impermissible benefit, it appears that the FBI has bigger fish to fry.

“It is a pretty cut and dry case with this program. When you don’t have any agents interested in their players, how could there be any wrongdoing, you know?” an FBI spokesperson told WRNL.

With a roster that is deep with hustlers, gym rats, and coaches’ kids the odds of scandal are almost minute.

“We recruit a different type of kid with a different background,” Iowa coach Fran McCaffery said. “Diversity is our strength,” he continued.

Next season Joe Weiskamp, from Muscatine County, will expand the roster’s diversity to six counties, a modern era record for college basketball.

Diversity is right. The Hawkeyes’ roster is filled with players from five different counties in the state of Iowa, something no other team in college basketball can say.

WRNL was able to access the FBI documents that cleared the wrongdoing of both current and former Iowa players and verified the lack of interest basketball agents had with these individuals.

Here is what they had to say about several notable contributors.

Jarrod Uthoff: Although transfers are traditionally thugs, this isn’t the case with Uthoff. Jarrod’s willingness to pay his own way to sit inside Carver Hawkeye Arena during his first season, something not even most Iowa basketball fans are willing to do, was a clear indication of innocence. He did accept a free slice of pizza before one game, but this was offered to all students, making it an allowable event.

Adam Woodbury: Woodbury met with an agent leading up to his commitment to the Hawkeyes. After further investigation, it appears the agency was conducting casting calls for Avatar 2. His appearance wouldn’t occur until after his collegiate eligibility had expired, thus removing him from any violations.

Peter Jok: Agents cited Jok’s ability to shoot, but inability to drive. Two moped incidents in a couple of months? That is an orange flag and a reason many agents steered clear of this athlete.

Aaron White: White was drafted by the Washington Wizards in 2015. He currently plays for a professional team in Russia. There is a high probability he received some impermissible benefits (none of them being good looks), but the FBI has a hell of a time indicting anyone with a Washington-Russia connection.

Despite their lack of talent, Fran McCaffery has his team ranked in the top 14 of the Big Ten and heading into the Big Ten Tournament for the 20th straight season.

It is good to see coaches can still do things the right way and successfully complete all of the games on their schedule.

Breathe easy Hawkeye fans, there will be no vacating the 2013 NIT runner-up trophy. Banners really do hang forever in Iowa City.