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Pollard, We Shrank The Campanile

The incredible tale of how Jamie Pollard and Rick Moranis ruined and replaced your beloved campanile.

Here’s a ‘small’ tale of two good friends. The event took place one Mug Night evening on Central Campus...

As we all know, Jamie Pollard (‘JP$’ in this article), knows people. He knows a lot of people. Including his buddy, and movie actor, Rick Moranis, also known as ‘Rick god damn Moranis’.

It was Mug Night on Welch. These boys had a few mug fulls of Busch Lattes at Outlaws, a few Pissed Off Minnow Farmers at Welch Ave. Station, and several bags of popcorn at Mickey’s. They both had the hankerin’ for a Super Dog to round out the night. The night was perfect.

After their typical Thursday night bender together, the dynamic duo wanted to stroll around campus. JP$ and Rick were casually chatting. The moonlight was just perfect for about everything, including campaniling, when Rick had a glimmer in his eye. He pondered a minute. JP$ could tell that that god damn Rick Moranis’ wheels were turning.

JP$ asked, “What are you thinking about, Ricky?”

Rick god damn Moranis says, “I’d like to have the campanile. Like that actual structure right there. And I have just the tool to do it.”

“You don’t mean the shrinker, do you?” asked JP$.

With a crazy look in his eye and a tight creepy lipped grin, Moranis pulled it out. He pulled out his thing. JP$ began to panic, realizing the large size of Rick’s machine.

JP$ began shaking his head, “God dammit Rick. Remember what happened to your family!”

But it was too late. With a bright blue blast, it happened. Central campus lit up for a few seconds then all was quiet. JP$ and Rick Moranis squinted to the south only, to see the Memorial Union. And that’s all they needed to see. It happened.

The Campanile was shrunk. One of the most prized and symbolic symbols of Iowa State University was shrunk down from 110 feet, to 20 feet.

“Knights of Columbus, Rick! What did you do?!?” With a drunken buzz, JP$ rubbed his chin. Then, it hit him. Cha-ching!

“Rick, Rick! Do you think you can blow the campanile back up?! Like in your second movie? Or better yet, duplicate this one then blow it up. I think we can make some money on this!”


It took a Thursday night bender and a stroll around campus with a crazy scientist, but, alas! A new campaign had been born. JP$ and Rick god damn Moranis did it. They shrunk the Campanile. Duplicated it, then blew it back up to size. The best part, nobody even knows... until now. Yeah, that nostalgia inducing campanile you see on campus everyday isn’t even the original. Think about that.

There are claims of a bright light zapping central campus, that evening, but no real evidence has been brought forth. There were several couples wanting to go “campaniling” that night when it vanished, but, amist their canoodling, all was delayed with confusion and UFO claims. Nobody seems to know. But as time has worn on, the true story has been revealed right here on WRNL. You’re welcome.

JP$ saw an opportunity and presented a new idea: guilt donors who still owe college tuition into a small scale campanile... although, we know what Rick Moranis did. JP$ thought, ‘It will bring central campus to them at alumni events. Hell, even at the Jack and Hilton!’

The Campanile
Iowa State CBE Graduate Programs

Why is this even a story worth telling? Because of the Campanile-Carillon project. This is a collaborative effort from five different departments at Iowa State and founded by donations.

Follow this link and read more in depth on this project happening on campus. From an exact quote from Moranis, “Honey, I mean Pollard,... we shrunk the Campanile.”