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WRNL is Declaring for the NBA Draft

New, 9 comments

Help us fill out our scouting report.

With the NBA Draft fast-approaching, we’ve decided to declare ourselves eligible for the NBA draft. NBA GMs do appear to be interested in our services, but haven’t had time to watch film on us. We need your help in filling out a scouting report that we can give to the general managers.

Poll

What position do we play?

This poll is closed

  • 18%
    Point Guard
    (15 votes)
  • 29%
    Shooting Guard
    (24 votes)
  • 17%
    Small Forward
    (14 votes)
  • 7%
    Power Forward
    (6 votes)
  • 28%
    Center
    (23 votes)
82 votes total Vote Now

Poll

How tall are we?

This poll is closed

  • 17%
    5’4". Pretty much eye-to-eye with Muggsy Bogues.
    (15 votes)
  • 46%
    A little over 6’. 6’4" in the media guide.
    (40 votes)
  • 18%
    About 6’8". Really just tall enough to have to duck through every doorway.
    (16 votes)
  • 17%
    7’4". Honestly, we exist purely to help retrieve Tupperware containers from the highest shelf.
    (15 votes)
86 votes total Vote Now

Poll

Body type?

This poll is closed

  • 20%
    Skinny. We’ve got the muscle tone of an eight year-old, and could probably be pushed out of the way by a light breeze.
    (18 votes)
  • 16%
    Extremely muscular. We look like the Greek god of weight lifting. Flexibility is limited due to the fact that every day is arm day.
    (15 votes)
  • 62%
    Out of shape. Most of our muscle is really just fat that ended up being loosely shaped like the muscle that’s supposed to be there.
    (56 votes)
89 votes total Vote Now

Poll

What’s our background?

This poll is closed

  • 59%
    Four year player. Two-star recruit, three-star talent, five-star work ethic. We still drive the ‘97 Buick LeSabre we got when we turned 16, and used to have a 4H steer named Steve.
    (52 votes)
  • 9%
    One and done. Our potential is through the roof, even though we’ve been playing basketball for about five minutes. We’re originally from a big city, but decided to go to a prep school somewhere out in the middle of the forest in Virginia.
    (8 votes)
  • 31%
    European phenom. Nobody besides Fran Fraschilla has ever heard of us. How does 42 points, 12 assists, and 9 rebounds per game sound? The name of our hometown in Bulgaria has a lot more letters than we knew existed, and none of which we can pronounce.
    (27 votes)
87 votes total Vote Now

Poll

How athletic are we?

This poll is closed

  • 31%
    Not. Our leaping ability is more accurately classified tip-toeing, and we can probably walk faster than we can run.
    (27 votes)
  • 52%
    Meh. Just athletic enough to think we’re dangerous, not athletic enough to actually be dangerous.
    (45 votes)
  • 15%
    Excellent. We make Russell Westbrook look like an angrier Danny Devito.
    (13 votes)
85 votes total Vote Now

Poll

What’s the best way to describe our play style?

This poll is closed

  • 13%
    Silky-smooth scorer with a penchant for the mid-range jump shot. Probably bad at defense.
    (11 votes)
  • 19%
    Floor general. High-IQ passer, solid ball-handler, and the only thing we watch more than game film is reruns of Dawson’s Creek.
    (16 votes)
  • 20%
    Sharpshooter. Honestly, we’re in range right now.
    (17 votes)
  • 17%
    Volume scorer. See that contested mid-range shot? That’s a good shot. How about that fadeaway three from the logo? You bet. Wait, what’s the score again?
    (15 votes)
  • 29%
    Defensive specialist. Yeah, we’re that asshole.
    (25 votes)
84 votes total Vote Now

Poll

What part of our game needs the most work?

This poll is closed

  • 13%
    Shooting. Honestly, we’re pretty terrified of anything that isn’t a layup or dunk. Maybe we should try shooting with the same hand we do everything else with.
    (11 votes)
  • 25%
    Ball-handling. The only thing looser than our handle is Gene Chizik’s definition of "firmly entrenched."
    (21 votes)
  • 37%
    Defense. Why would we practice the least fun part of basketball?
    (30 votes)
  • 23%
    Playmaking. The only way we could be better is if we could pass to ourselves.
    (19 votes)
81 votes total Vote Now

Poll

Any legal trouble or character issues?

This poll is closed

  • 6%
    Nope. Squeaky clean.
    (5 votes)
  • 38%
    Got caught partying with some sorority girls after a game at Mizzou.
    (32 votes)
  • 10%
    Currently on Serbia’s no-fly list after trying to smuggle a three-legged goat on the plane in our carry-on.
    (9 votes)
  • 21%
    We drive in the left lane on a four lane highway and don’t use our cruise control for any reason.
    (18 votes)
  • 12%
    Definitely have not* already signed a shoe deal with Skechers Shape-Ups.
    (10 votes)
  • 10%
    We think Casey’s breakfast pizza is "too bacon-y."
    (9 votes)
83 votes total Vote Now