We are so close to kicking football off at Mid American Energy Field at Jack Trice Stadium; 10 days to be exact. Below are 10 predictions that will absolutely happen no matter what this season, I guarantee it.
New Walkout Song
Like the last two years, Matt Campbell will change the song that the Cyclones run out onto the field to. This year I predict that Campbell will want to spice it up with something new, Smoke on the Water. A new song to some, but a classic hit that will for sure pump everyone up.
San Diego State, South Dakota State on opening night at MAEF @ JTC the Cyclones travel to Iowa City to take on the TOE. They embarrass the home team 42-3. Shortly after the game, Brian Ferentz tweets “42-3,” sparking one of the most memorable Cy-Hawk Twitter battles to this day.
Riley Goes 0-2
Lincoln Riley travels to Ames in a revenge game for the Sooners. David Montgomery puts on a show on national TV and sparks his Heisman campaign in a 38-31 win. The fans in Jack Trice decide to stay in the stands instead of storm the field, because they have been there before. Kyler Murray immediately quits the football team and plays shortstop for the A’s the following day.
Bill Self Quits
Despite coaching at Kansas for 15 seasons, Bill Self had never attended a lowly KU football game. That was, until the red-hot Cyclones came to town. Self sits in the stands just to watch Iowa State beat the Jayhawks 69-0. In act of deep shame, Self decides to step down as head basketball coach. In a post game interview, Self will quote the 15 point lead they blew at home to Iowa State as now the third worst thing he’s ever seen in person after this football game and Jeff Withey.
Bill Snyder is Immortal
K-State and their devil magic makes it way up to Ames. Iowa State wins this game, but not without trouble. After a four touchdown lead disappeared on the scoreboard in the last minute, Matt Campbell decided to take a knee to finish the game. Most thought losing to Iowa State would cause Snyder to literally turn into dust; it actually did the opposite. Snyder immediately transformed GandBill the Grey Windbreaker.
Against all odds, Iowa State manages to go undefeated throughout the regular season. Thanks to the historic season, the Cyclones rise to #5 in the CFP poll, while one loss Oklahoma and three loss Alabama sit ahead of them. Colin Cowherd says “Iowa State is nothing but a bunch of farmers who got lucky with their cupcake schedule.” That schedule happens to include a win over Oklahoma, a win that both ESPN and Cowherd choose to ignore.
Third Times the Charm
Oklahoma gets another crack at the high powered Cyclones, this time in Dallas for the Big 12 Championship. After getting down 14-0, Jon Heacock decides to switch to a 3-4 defense. Iowa State’s 3-4 proved to be too much for Oklahoma, once again. Kyle Kempt’s last minute toss to Hakeem Butler puts the Cyclones up 38-31 and caps a comeback that puts us in the College Football Playoff.
After putting up historic stats on the best team in the country, David Montgomery finally gets the national respect he deserves. His competition is a quarterback from Florida by the name of Felepie Franks, a redshirt sophomore who put up very average stats compared to Montgomery. ESPN tags Franks as the favorite, but Montgomery and his 2,000 yard season pulls off the “upset,” giving Iowa State it’s first Heisman winner is school history.
After beating three loss Alabama in the semifinal, Iowa State advances to the title game. They are facing the Ohio State Buckeyes, who are without Urban Meyer due to the ongoing scandal. Matt Campbell was asked pregame if he would be interested in taking the Ohio State position, but he politely declined.
Shortly before the big game we figured out that Kyle Kempt was swamped with homework and couldn’t make it to the game. Zeb Noland was going to start in the emergency situation, that was before the national anthem sung by Joel Lanning. During the beautiful song at Levi’s Stadium, Jacob Park comes on to the field with a jetpack and holding a Natty Lite. He tells coach “I’m back.” Park leads Iowa State to a 55-24 win over the Buckeyes and Iowa State wins it’s first National Championship. During the postgame, Campbell again turns down the Ohio State job offer and rides off into the Ames sunset.
WRNL wins the first annual “Best Sports Blog Award sponsored by Natty Lite,” and Levi Stevenson accepts the award that was presented by the great Neil Diamond himself. Because of the unstoppable combination of the football and basketball teams and our incredible, clever writing, we have a feeling that this award will stay in Ames for many years to come.