Earlier this week, the University of Iowa unveiled the brand new renovations of the north end zone of Kinnick Stadium. The $89 million project gave substantial upgrades to restroom facilities, concessions, and seats, while removing the stadium’s extra seats, which had been used as the Kirkwood Community College student section for the past few seasons.
Late Wednesday afternoon, custodial staff at Kinnick Stadium found substantial flooding in the new north end zone facilities, as well as a small pond covering nearly half the field.
Initially, university officials believed heavy rains in eastern Iowa to be the cause, however, upon further investigation, plumbing issues have been identified to be the primary culprit. After reviewing footage of the facility to determine the origin of the overflow, a member of the Iowa football coaching staff was seen entering the men’s restroom at 9:43 pm Monday evening, then exiting the restroom at 10:04 pm in a state of panic as water began cascading out of the restroom soon afterwards. The man was later identified as Iowa offensive coordinator Brian Ferentz.
When asked about the incident, Ferentz mentioned that the staff had made a trip to a nearby Chipotle on Monday evening to celebrate the new stadium renovations. “I got my usual burrito bowl with just lettuce, beans, and sour cream. Nothing out of the ordinary. I never expected Chipotle’s lettuce to turn against me like that. I feel so betrayed,” said Ferentz, visibily upset.
The toilet’s fumbling of Ferentz’s dinner frustrated him so much that nearby construction workers and Iowa City residents blocks away reported hearing very loud swearing emanating from the stadium around the time of the incident.
When asked about the swearing, a local resident (who asked not to be identified) stated that he was returning a trip to Walmart to pick up new football gear when heard “Chipotle shits are the ****ing WORST!”, followed by a stream of obscenities best left unprinted.
Longtime Iowa head football coach and disappointed father Kirk Ferentz didn’t comment on the incident, other than to say that Brian would not be receiving his monthly allowance for September, and ‘is going to be cleaning this mess up on his own so he learns a lesson.’
Iowa’s first home game is this Saturday against Northern Illinois.