As we all should know by now, Matty C. signed a new extension and us Cyclone pigs got fed our continued good coaching slop. Before this announcement, #cycONEnation was so confident in CMC’s return in fact, that we sought out in our righteous indignation to Own Them Online.
Whether these Twitter users are being legitimate or just trolling our Incredibly Online Fanbase, it does not matter. They were Owned Online. Let’s get to it.
First to the namesake of this new annual article. This is an annual piece since, let’s face it, this is going to happen until Campbell turns in Kirk Ferentz in 20 years. Our buddy Mark here knows a guy. Donnie has all the connects.
My buddy Donnie that owns a company in Tampa donates a lot. That’s the word he’s given me— Mark Williams (@MarkW423) December 2, 2019
First let’s take a look at Mark’s bio and his inaugural tweet.
***kisses fingers and shouts MAGNIFICO***
But it comes to this writer’s dismay that our buddy Mark here is more than likely a troll. It disappoints me deeply, but upon further investigation he seems to be using for some personal and normal things. Not all troll. And Reader, I know a Troll when I see one.
Matt Campbell is gone after ISU bowl game this year. No way USC or Florida St do not take him. And no way he'd turn those offers down.— AndrewYang2020!! M.R (@GWizThe) December 1, 2019
There is no way Andrew Yang doesn't win the presidency! Absolutely no other options. None.
I’d say Matt Campbell to USC is a thing— Wøñtøñ (@JuanX6X) December 2, 2019
Just like USC being a bunch of dicks is a thing.
When USC hires James Franklin & Penn State hires Matt Campbell pic.twitter.com/QPvg4YJEUh— Peej (@SeminolePeej) December 1, 2019
I am now intrigued to see Florida State Kermit’s Google history. Safe bet it gets pretty dark.
Matt Campbell, Doak Campbell, Campbell Chunky Soup. Don’t matter FSU is getting the white numbers back next season. pic.twitter.com/ZkoSXRawe6— LOCAL RAPPER is OUT NOW! (@TaReefKnockOut) December 3, 2019
I don't quite understand this tweet being a Simple Midwestern Man. But let me see if I can find some insight on your own Twitter page...
We’re such a joke https://t.co/6nKsgEgklU— LOCAL RAPPER is OUT NOW! (@TaReefKnockOut) December 3, 2019
oh never mind.
If I were Matt Campbell I’d be on the first bus out of town. Iowa State is who they are. They won’t ever be a legit football program. He’s done all he can for them. Move on while you’ve still got a hot name for big jobs.— IA-Cub (@IA_Cub) December 1, 2019
Where’s he busing to? Iowa City? Who is going to take over for Kirk when his dear Brian leaves for Memphis? CAMPBELL TO IOWA?!?
I can no longer respond to Iowa State fans who are sad. Can’t sit on twitter all day got a family to hang out with. Matt Campbell is a great coach I do not apologize for suggesting he seriously look for a better job than Iowa State ✌— IA-Cub (@IA_Cub) December 1, 2019
We are an Internet Swarm not to be trifled with. We are also a fanbase who absolutely none of us have families to hang out with and in turn spend all our time sitting on Twitter searching and writing an article about “CAMPBELL TO XXX” tweets.
Bullet point for end of the season column and prep for 2020...— Collin Wilson (@_Collin1) December 1, 2019
Iowa State has won 9 games in just one season since 1906. Might be time to cash out Matt Campbell
We give other athletes shit for chasing money and signing the big deal. But if someone seems to perhaps have goals and maybe like it here, they better CASH OUT NOW.
Matt Campbell to notre Dame ....possible?— joe (@JosephVrabec) November 23, 2019
It’s also possible the Pope isn't Catholic
Matt Campbell to Notre Dame. Heard it here first.— Max (@CFBmaxs) November 2, 2019
Let’s do a simple tweet search.
If Brian Kelly were to leave, Matt Campbell would be a perfect fit for Notre Dame.— Ken Carman (@KenCarman) October 30, 2019
Only beat Max by a few days. Not bad!
I personally think Matt Campbell's next job is the NFL or mayyybe Notre Dame (since Ohio State is full for the foreseeable future). Also think it's very premature to talk Harbaugh— Chris Vannini (@ChrisVannini) September 23, 2019
This is over a month before Max but it wasn’t a definitive prediction. Max get’s a pass.
Just spitballing on a theoretical Notre Dame coaching search:— Dan Wolken (@DanWolken) January 2, 2019
Tier A: Urban, Bob Stoops
Tier B: Matt Campbell, Matt Rhule, Mark Stoops, Jeff Brohm
Tier C: Dave Aranda, Pat Narduzzi, Luke Fickell
Ok sorry Max, getting a little hard to defend ya here.
One of Steve Deace's Crystal Ball Predictions for 2018 will not make any Cyclone fans happy. But it could happen IF the job comes open. He predicts Brian Kelly is done at Notre Dame after this year and Matt Campbell takes over in South Bend.— Troy Hyde (@troyhyde44) June 28, 2018
This one is reallllllly old, but Steve Deace gets everything wrong. Always the first one to be very loudly and spectacularly stupid.
Anyways, suck it Max.
Does Matt Campbell write thank-you notes to all the ADs who have gotten him raises? When will people learn the dude isn’t leaving unless it’s for a top notch B10 job or Notre Dame— Dan Wolken (@DanWolken) December 3, 2019
If you remember from a couple tweets above, this is Dan’s second appearance on the Donnie Report. But this one comes AFTER Campbell singed the extension.
Dan is just too horni for a Campbell/Notre Dame marriage.
Cross another one off the Missouri coaching search list ...Matt Campbell has signed an extension at Iowa State until 2025...maybe he should lose to K-State every year... and he is only 26 and 24 in four years in Ames...All hat no cattle? pic.twitter.com/Y2CMOi3iH0— FredBeck (@FredBeckKTVO) December 3, 2019
Missouri was suspended and fired their coach this year and yet they think they can get our boi Matt.
Missouri should also be annexed to Arkansas. They deserve each other.
Missouri should go after Matt Campbell— Adam Lewis (@Admlew) November 30, 2019
Missouri is a bad place.
Going to throw out Matt Campbell’s name for Missouri. Not sure he would take it but I would call. Also David Beaty. Just trust me on that one.— Brett Rasdall (@BrettRasdall) November 30, 2019
I will not trust you or any Missourian, ever.
Money— Damon (@dangdude777) December 2, 2019
Jerry Jones has never spent his money unwisely on football related activities.
Reports of Matt Campbell potentially being looked at by Arkansas. Maybe he could turn the program around!— Austin Wilson (@awilson49) December 2, 2019
It might take about 30 to 50 feral hogs to turn that mess around.
Coaching predictions:— Rick Webster (@TheRickWebster) December 1, 2019
Lane Kiffin to USF
Matt Ruhle to FSU
James Franklin to USC
Matt Campbell to Penn St
Mike Norvell to Arkansas
Luke Fickell to Mizzou
Brian Ferentz to Cincinnati
This one is a bit out there. Especially about the part where Iowa’s offense is good enough to get up a head coaching position. Only thing that makes sense about this is our good pal Brian Ferentz failing upwards. Book it.
Matt Campbell to Arkansas confirmed— Kiffin + KJ = (@travarius5673) December 1, 2019
Shut up already Arkansas!
Matt Campbell will be the new Head Coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks in 2020 pic.twitter.com/1nw0DOUEoZ— Razorback Rantz (7-0) (@RazorbackRantz) November 30, 2019
Your reputation of stupidity precedes you.
I definitely want to see him leave ISU, but Arkansas is a terrible job and it keeps him local enough to keep stealing recruits from KC/Wichita— CATS ⚒️ (@KliGuy) November 30, 2019
He’s fearful and not wrong.
And let’s not forget folks, Courtney Messingham is the O-Coordinator for KSU... and Iowa State lost to him. I am ashamed.
If Arkansas hires Matt Campbell, Razorback football will be back!— KatieisaHogFan (@KatieSullinger) November 28, 2019
This is a big if, but she's not wrong either!
I heard Matt Campbell was Arkansas new Coach and there will be a announcement tomorrow— Zombies_3D (@Zombies_3D) November 27, 2019
I heard Arkansas ranks 45th in the Best State Rankings.
Matt Campbell as Arkansas football head coach? Someone find me a new favorite football team. BECAUSE ARKANSAS CANT SEEM TO FIND A GOOD COACH— Joshua (@Joshelam24) November 25, 2019
At least this is only half wrong! Good job Joshua for being the first to realize Arkansas dire situation.
Matt Campbell has proven himself worthy of being our new head coach. Well worth the money to get him here. He has shown at Iowa State he can compete with the big boys in his conference. Hopefully we are not going to settle again. Loyal Arkansas fans and students deserve better.— The 12th (@UURazorback) November 20, 2019
DURRRR Y WOOD ANY1 WANT 2 LIVE N IOWA?!? HE IZ WORTHY ENUFF 2 GIT DA H3LL OUTTA DER N CUM 2 AR-KANSAS IMO. IOWA IZ SLIPPIN DOWN 2 #14 N DA RANKINS FROM #1. TIME 2 GIT OFF DA SINKIN SHIP WILE U STILL CANN.
Wouldn’t surprise one bit if Matt Campbell becomes the new head coach at Arkansas next year— Carl Fuchs (@CarlJFuchs) November 11, 2019
What would surprise you? Cause it wouldn’t surprise me if everyone pronounced your last name phonetically. Sicc name, Carl.
Here is the list of 5 coaches I DON’T want at Arkansas:— Caleb J. Findley (@thecalebfindley) November 11, 2019
I truly hope you get your wish Caleb. After all these tweets about Arkansas it is time to come out and say it.
Arkansas is the Nebraska of the SEC.
Turning your noses up at coaches who aren't even available is always a good look.
Matt Rhule (Baylor) or Matt Campbell (ISU) should consider going over and resurrecting Arkansas.— DarthTex (@darthtex) November 10, 2019
What other coaching candidates make sense?
Matt Rhule. That’s the answer. We can all agree he should leave Baylor immediately and take a dumpy job in a dumpy state.
Then Baylor can be sent to hell eternally. This is now canon.