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The First Annual WRNL Donnie Report

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#cyclONEnation logged on to find every mouth-breather of an opposing fan base who had the audacity to consider Matt Campbell being their new Head Football Coach. This is their story.

As we all should know by now, Matty C. signed a new extension and us Cyclone pigs got fed our continued good coaching slop. Before this announcement, #cycONEnation was so confident in CMC’s return in fact, that we sought out in our righteous indignation to Own Them Online.

Whether these Twitter users are being legitimate or just trolling our Incredibly Online Fanbase, it does not matter. They were Owned Online. Let’s get to it.

First to the namesake of this new annual article. This is an annual piece since, let’s face it, this is going to happen until Campbell turns in Kirk Ferentz in 20 years. Our buddy Mark here knows a guy. Donnie has all the connects.

First let’s take a look at Mark’s bio and his inaugural tweet.

same

***kisses fingers and shouts MAGNIFICO***

But it comes to this writer’s dismay that our buddy Mark here is more than likely a troll. It disappoints me deeply, but upon further investigation he seems to be using for some personal and normal things. Not all troll. And Reader, I know a Troll when I see one.

There is no way Andrew Yang doesn't win the presidency! Absolutely no other options. None.

Just like USC being a bunch of dicks is a thing.

I am now intrigued to see Florida State Kermit’s Google history. Safe bet it gets pretty dark.

I don't quite understand this tweet being a Simple Midwestern Man. But let me see if I can find some insight on your own Twitter page...

oh never mind.

Where’s he busing to? Iowa City? Who is going to take over for Kirk when his dear Brian leaves for Memphis? CAMPBELL TO IOWA?!?

We are an Internet Swarm not to be trifled with. We are also a fanbase who absolutely none of us have families to hang out with and in turn spend all our time sitting on Twitter searching and writing an article about “CAMPBELL TO XXX” tweets.

We give other athletes shit for chasing money and signing the big deal. But if someone seems to perhaps have goals and maybe like it here, they better CASH OUT NOW.

It’s also possible the Pope isn't Catholic

Let’s do a simple tweet search.

Only beat Max by a few days. Not bad!

This is over a month before Max but it wasn’t a definitive prediction. Max get’s a pass.

Ok sorry Max, getting a little hard to defend ya here.

This one is reallllllly old, but Steve Deace gets everything wrong. Always the first one to be very loudly and spectacularly stupid.

Anyways, suck it Max.

If you remember from a couple tweets above, this is Dan’s second appearance on the Donnie Report. But this one comes AFTER Campbell singed the extension.

Dan is just too horni for a Campbell/Notre Dame marriage.

Missouri was suspended and fired their coach this year and yet they think they can get our boi Matt.

Missouri should also be annexed to Arkansas. They deserve each other.

Missouri is a bad place.

I will not trust you or any Missourian, ever.

Jerry Jones has never spent his money unwisely on football related activities.

It might take about 30 to 50 feral hogs to turn that mess around.

This one is a bit out there. Especially about the part where Iowa’s offense is good enough to get up a head coaching position. Only thing that makes sense about this is our good pal Brian Ferentz failing upwards. Book it.

Shut up already Arkansas!

Your reputation of stupidity precedes you.

He’s fearful and not wrong.

And let’s not forget folks, Courtney Messingham is the O-Coordinator for KSU... and Iowa State lost to him. I am ashamed.

This is a big if, but she's not wrong either!

I heard Arkansas ranks 45th in the Best State Rankings.

At least this is only half wrong! Good job Joshua for being the first to realize Arkansas dire situation.

DURRRR Y WOOD ANY1 WANT 2 LIVE N IOWA?!? HE IZ WORTHY ENUFF 2 GIT DA H3LL OUTTA DER N CUM 2 AR-KANSAS IMO. IOWA IZ SLIPPIN DOWN 2 #14 N DA RANKINS FROM #1. TIME 2 GIT OFF DA SINKIN SHIP WILE U STILL CANN.

What would surprise you? Cause it wouldn’t surprise me if everyone pronounced your last name phonetically. Sicc name, Carl.

I truly hope you get your wish Caleb. After all these tweets about Arkansas it is time to come out and say it.

Arkansas is the Nebraska of the SEC.

Turning your noses up at coaches who aren't even available is always a good look.

Matt Rhule. That’s the answer. We can all agree he should leave Baylor immediately and take a dumpy job in a dumpy state.

Then Baylor can be sent to hell eternally. This is now canon.