After an entire offseason of waiting, Bryce Harper finally made his free agency choice. He signed a record 13 year, $330 Million contract without any opt outs. Crazy. By the time Bryce is no longer in his massive deal with the Phillies, the sports world will have a whole new landscape. For starters, my favorite drink will probably not be Fanta.
Fran McCaffery Gets Suspended Again
In year 19 of the McCaffery project, Iowa has yet to make a Sweet 16. They still have not made the semifinals in the Big 10 tournament. Fran has racked up 69 career technical fouls and the entire fan base is fed up with his antics, except for Gary Barta. On the 10 year anniversary of the infamous “YOU CHEATING MOTHERF****** YOU’RE A F****** DISGRACE,” Fran gets ejected while standing up for his youngest son, Johnathon, who picked up a technical foul in a 20 point loss to Rutgers. He chased down the ref in the tunnel and said the iconic line “YOU CHEATING MOTHERF****** YOU’RE A F****** DISGRACE.”
When Iowa AD, Gary Barta was asked about this incident, he responded saying “at least he’s not Lickliter.”
Kirk Ferentz Lands New Extension
After 9 Outback Bowl appearances in 13 years on top of five consecutive 8-4 seasons, Gary Barta deems the 76 year old coach worthy of a new contract. As of right now, Kirk is set to coach until 2026, but with the outstanding accomplishments in the Big 10 West still yet to come, there is no end in sight for Ferentz era.
Fred Hoiberg Still Hasn’t Aged
Thanks to the advanced technology we have right now, we can actually see what we will look like in the future. Here is a side by side of Fred in 2019 vs 2032.
Brian Ferentz Still Eats Chipotle
Several years after infamously overflowing the bathroom at Kinnick Stadium, the long time assistant coach did it again. You would think that after such an embarrassing moment that you would try avoid another situation. Before Brian is a head coach, Kirk probably needs to potty-train him.
Matt Campbell Stays Put
In a shocking development for the rest of the world, Matt Campbell is happy in Ames. In fact, Campbell has helped transformed Iowa State into an elite football school. After 4 years of an 8-team playoff, Iowa State makes it’s first College Playoff Appearance in 2026.
Kansas Streak Dies at 18
In a shocking turn of events, Kansas’ streak came down to the final game of the regular season. Bill Self did not like his odds of winning a game in the new-look Hilton Coliseum, so he called up an old friend named Perry Ellis. Led by ripped senior, Tyrese Haliburton, Iowa State ended the streak and finally put Perry Ellis into retirement.
Perry Ellis Finally Runs Out of Eligibility
After nearly 80 years in the Jayhawks uniform, Perry Ellis finally runs out of his NCAA eligibility. He finishes his career as the all time leader in literally every NCAA gross statistical category, including AARP membership renewals.
31 Will Be in the Rafters
One of the greatest Cyclones ever will get honored in an awesome way. He will come back to Ames, not get a public intoxication and it will be a great day for Cyclone fans.
The Pac 12 Will Cease to Exist
After several consecutive way below average seasons, the Pac 12 is the first conference to blow up. The Arizona and Southern California schools join the southern Big 12, while the North is left for dead. This is the first domino of the new look NCAA power conferences.