In light of my recent selection for jury duty, I combed through the #slack to find some answers on what I should say that would successfully prove my insanity and put me back out into the world.
“In the WRNL Slack, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups. The contributors who investigate stories and the authors who troll the contributors. These are their stories.”
smddee: I got picked for jury duty. Someone tell me how to prove bias.
ryanstivers: say [REDACTED] a bunch
CycloneLarry: Erotically moan every time someone says something you agree with. Maybe spank yourself if it’s something super agree with or fart when someone says something dumb.
smddee: I’ll just fart
CycloneLarry: Physically take a dump on the case
JarLar: Say “Your Honor” to the foreman and “you’re honor” to the judge.
LeviStevenson: Plead Insanity
CycloneLarry: Say orgasm instead of organism. That’s how I never got picked to read in middle school science class
LeviStevenson: Tell them you believe the guillotine should be an acceptable punishment for not going under center on 4th and inches
CycloneLarry: That’s not crazy
ryanstivers: Yeah I mean, that’s not NOT reasonable
LeviStevenson: Declare punting inside the opponent’s 40 yard line an international war crime
ryanstivers: Atticus Finch. Overrated lawyer.
ryanstivers; “I would still date [REDACTED}”
CycloneLarry: Outlaw [REDACTED ISU PLAYER] having arms so he can’t shoot threes
JarLar: “Barstool is good”
LeviStevenson: Kombucha is actually a delicious beverage
Cydeliner: “Reality is just your perception, man”
JarLar: Cody Parkey is actually the best player the Bears have had on Special Teams in years
CycloneLarry: Sportstalkcrap actually has some good takes
Cydeliner: Steve Prohm actually really loves Terrence Lewis
LeviStevenson: Peeps are a perfectly acceptable Easter candy and Long John Silvers is one of the best fast food chains in America
JarLar: Devin Hester is a lesser Ryan Baum
Matthias: Paul Rhoads had complete control of everything and it would ahve been fine if we let it play out
Cydeliner: [REDACTED] were actually good
CycloneLarry: Antonio Brown is just misunderstood
LeviStevenson: Jamie Pollard meant to hire Paul Rudd
Matthias: Ray Rice didn’t [SUPER REDACTED]
LeviStevenson: [SUPER MEGA REDACTED]
Cydeliner: Jay Cutler cared very deeply
Matthias: Vikings are actually a great organization
CycloneLarry: Ryan Kreiner actually has pretty nice hair
[REDACTED for Contributor’s Safety]: Iowa State fans aren’t emotionally unstable
CYdeliner: Steve Prohm uses his timeouts wisely
CycloneLarry: [REDACTED] was just trying to do the right thing
smddee: This chat is mostly constructive and full of rational takes