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NBA Speed Dating: Golden State Warriors (kind of)

If you go on 10 dates, you’re bound to get stood up at least once

Tyrese Haliburton is a young bachelor, in terms of NBA employment. A slew of potential suitors are lining up nicely for him in the NBA draft lottery. His partner will be determined on draft day, November 18, 2020. For now, we’ll speed date around the NBA teams finding the best fit for our beloved point guard, and which team he could end up with, for years to come. So spritz that cologne, floss those teeth, and work on your pick up lines...

**Record scratch**

It’s 15 minutes past 7, and Golden State still hasn’t showed up... problem is, the date started at 6:30. Now whether they were busy polishing their 6 Larry O’Brien trophies, or moving their things from Oakland to San Francisco, we were left out to dry, just like their loyal fan base in Oakland.

So we had to bypass the Warriors’ SB nation affiliate, and blind date three men who will have a big influence on the Warriors upcoming pick. First up, head coach, Steve Kerr.

WRNL- Steve, you’ve obviously been around amazing guards during your tenure as both a player in the league, and now as a coach. What aspects of Tyrese’s game excite you about him being the next great guard you’ll get to be around?

Steve Kerr- Who’s Tyrese?

WRNL- Haliburton. Uh, the point guard prospect out of Iowa State, he’s projected mid-lottery.

Steve Kerr- Why would we care about lottery picks? What do we have the 30th pick again?

WRNL- Steve, you have the 2nd pick in the draft? You guys only won 15 games last season... let’s get back on track though. It seemed like you were willing to take on D’Angelo Russell in an already crowded back court, is the front office willing to take another chance on a guard come draft night?

Steve Kerr- Wait, D’Angelo Russell played for us?

WRNL- Steve, if you don’t mind we’re going to cut this date short, thanks for your time.

Well that didn’t go as planned. Steve is on his way out, I have another glass of wine on the way, and here comes the next date. GM of the Warriors, and mastermind behind one of the greatest dynasties in modern NBA basketball, Bob Myers.

WRNL- Hey Bob, we appreciate you taking the time to sit down with us about the upcoming draft. You’ve shown the capability to put together a championship caliber team as the GM, do you think Tyrese Haliburton has what it takes to be on a championship team?

Bob Myers- Oh right, Haliburton the kid from Ohio State, right?

WRNL- No, Iowa State. Sophomore, 6’5 guard, incredible vision, pick and roll ability. Had some of the best efficiency numbers in all of college basketball over his two year career.

Bob Myers- Nope... not ringing a bell.

WRNL- Do you want to like at least google him quick? He has a Wikipedia page...

Bob Myers- Hey, (reaches for his phone) I gotta take this, I’ll send in the next guy.

Sure enough, a former number one overall pick, and Kansas... legend? Andrew Wiggins took a seat at the table.

WRNL- Andrew, we tried to get in contact with everyone on the Warriors roster including Damion Lee, Alen Smailagic, and Ky Bowman, and you’re the only one that got back to us. So thank you so much for letting us talk to you. As a former Big 12 player yourself, you played against a lot of current Iowa State pros in your one year at Kansas. Do you think Tyrese could be the best out of the Iowa State players already in the NBA?

Andrew Wiggins-I don’t think I ever played Iowa State in college.

WRNL- You played against Iowa State three times, you lost to them in the Big 12 tournament.

Andrew Wiggins- No I remember telling Coach Self to take me off payroll those games.

WRNL- What?

Andrew Wiggins- What?

Post-Date thoughts- What the hell is going at Golden State? How has no one done anything about this draft when it’s just two weeks away? Going into this, I thought the most dysfunctional team was going to be the Knicks, but boy did the Warriors prove me wrong. This team has no idea what’s going on, and I can only hope the Warriors either trade back or draft some other top prospect.

Good day and good riddance, now excuse me as I try to sneak out of the bathroom stall window and leave Mr. Wiggins (or possibly Bill Self?) with the check. Seeya.