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Ah the Super Bowl, not the one against UNI in September, but the second most important one.
Let’s make one thing clear. We as Iowa State fans have a responsibility to cheer for Joel Lanning’s son and the Kansas City Chiefs.
Personally I've never gone down the rabbit hole that is angering NFL fans, but I’m always looking for new ways to have fun and what fanbase deserves my heckling more than San Francisco? There’s no denying that the residents of San Francisco think way too highly of their city and their football team. I mean what have the 49ers done that other NFL teams haven’t? They’re certainly not better than the Kansas City Chiefs from a historical standpoint.
Here are some #ColdHardNextGenUnbiasedStats to prove it:
Super Bowl Losses Since 1969:
SF: 1
KC: 0✅
Losses to Seattle:
SF: 26
KC: 19✅
AFC Championship Wins:
SF: 0
KC: 1✅
NFC Championship Losses:
SF: 9
KC: 0✅
Joe Montana INTs:
SF: 123
KC: 16✅
George Kittles:
SF: 1
KC: 0✅
Joel Lanning’s Son:
SF: 0
KC: 1✅
Now that’s enough about the teams. Let’s be honest, the game is the LEAST most exciting part about the Super Bowl.
Lets take a look at the juicy stuff starting with the prop bets.
Here are Larry’s Locks
National Anthem:
Over 123 seconds✅
Length of Word “Brave” in Anthem:
Under 5.5 seconds✅
First Coach Shown During Anthem:
Kyle Shanahan✅
Jimmy G Passing Yards:
Under 200.5✅
Winner of Puppy Bowl:
Team Fluff✅
Tom Brady Mentioned:
Yes✅
Heads or Tails:
TAILS✅
George Kittle Screams:
Yes✅
Gatorade Bath Color:
Orange✅
First Commercial After Anthem:
Bud Light✅
Speaking of commercials, let’s take a look at Larry’s Preliminary Super Bowl Commercial Greatest Potential Ads Rankings.
- Doritos
- Bud Light
- Budweiser
- Skittles
- Volkswagen
- Mountain Dew
- Pepsi
- Coke
- Amazon
10. Tide
Do I have a reason for this order?
Yes.
Will I tell you that reason?
No, just trust me. These will be the best commercials and I know because reasons.
Now for those of you that follow me on Twitter you probably know that I am a certified food aficionado; see #LarrysTaekOfTheDay. If you like to eat, this part of the article is for you. Welcome to Larry’s First Annual Super Bowl Munchies Power Rankings.
- Not Stromboli
Some maps have been going around that grossly misrepresent my great state. I’m just here to clear our name. Stromboli is NOT a Super Bowl tradition, however it is quite delicious.
2. Not Irish Stew
Same as #1. Unless of course Irish Stew is beer and whisky, then I’m down.
3. BEEERRRRRRR
Okay maybe it’s not a munchie but look me in the eyes and tell me it doesn’t belong here, communist.
4. Lil’ Smokies
Is there a food that tastes more drastically better on Super Bowl Sunday than lil’ smokies?
5. Wings
Wings.
6. Nachos
The bigger the plate the better.
7. Meatballs
A Super Bowl part isn’t complete without a crock pot of meatballs on the table that you stick a toothpick in every time you walk past.
8. Cheesy Potatoes
Add corn for maximum pleasure.
9. Jalapeño Poppers
If you don’t like spicy things I’m sorry that you’re missing out.
10. Not Guacamole
Is there a worse substance in the world than Guacamole? I’d rather eat Pizza Ranch pizza than this stuff. It’s just not good I’m sorry.
I think that about covers everything you need to know about the Super Bowl. Remember that tomorrow is all about having fun, getting way too drunk on a Sunday night, fighting over teams you don’t care about, breaking your New Years diet, and making fun of that one friend you have that is a “longtime fan” of one of the teams. Stay safe out there and remember, tomorrow we’re all Chiefs!
XOXO-Larry