Iowa Democrats Under Fire For Using Big 12 Refs to Certify Caucus Results

The Iowa caucuses have been finished for hours now, but one particular piece of important info is left unknown: the actual results. Candidates are restless. Pundits are running out of things to talk about. Iowa residents are tired of being at the center of the political universe. It doesn’t seem too difficult to count votes, but we at WRNL have learned where the issue stems from. When it looked like the results would be close, the Iowa Democratic Party brought in refs from the Big 12 for video review.

When reached for comment, party Chairman Troy Price said, “These guys are the best in the business. There’s no record of them screwing these up or taking too long, especially in the state of Iowa. We need to have indisputable video evidence before announcing anything.”

Head referee John Higgins went to the video monitor shortly after midnight last night. Masses have huddled around the monitor at party headquarters, hoping to sneak a peak.

Higgins was quoted as saying, “I have no problem issuing technical fouls to those who won’t let us do our job. The free throws will only make this take longer.” Candidate Bernie Sanders has begun warming up just in case.

At this time, no resolution is known, and an estimated time for an announcement can’t get be done. With no protocol for length of review, it’s likely that the call on the field will stand. We just have to wait for Higgins to hop on the mic and let us know.