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TCU Follows Baylor's Lead, Mandates Sailgating to Limit Spread of COVID

Sailgating TCU Athletic Director, Jeremiah Donati, today announced the mandate of sailgating at all home games for the 2020 football season.

"This year has been a roller coaster. After our dominating basketball victory over The Bears in February, it seemed the sky was the limit. Unfortunately, the rest of 2020 hasn't been as rosy," the TCU AD said via a Zoom call. "In order to limit the spread of COVID19, we have decided to take action and suspend all tailgating for this football season."

Before TCU's dozens of fans could protest Donati continued, "With the goal of maintaining a positive game day experience, we have taken the unprecedented step to mandate sailgating at all TCU home games."

Sailgating, for those who don't own a guest house, is an activity enjoyed by many members of the 37% tax bracket. It involves using a boat, preferably a yacht, as a base for pre-game festivities. It is most famously enjoyed by attendees of the Monaco Grand Prix and defense attorney parties in Waco.

When asked about the inconvenience of mooring in the drainage ditch known as the Trinity River, the AD gestured dismissively saying, "water isn't necessary. I expect to see a parking lot full of boats on trailers come September 12th."

The mandate has been well received. Local ENT specialist and Horned Frog enthusiast, Dr. Sparrow, was thrilled to hear the news. "Listen, last year I bought a loaded, brand new, one ton truck because my groceries are heavy and my penis is small, but this news changes everything. I'm really excited to know that I'll be able to use it to tow something!"

Current TCU students Madison Harper and Jackson Pruitt were thrilled as well, saying they felt confident that daddy's money would create a "dope sailgating experience" and allow them to "flex on the geeds."

TCU starts their season in Fort Worth September 12th versus SMU.

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