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Let’s Go Pod-y: Texas Longhorns

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I listen to opponent’s podcasts so you don’t have to!

COLLEGE FOOTBALL: JAN 01 Sugar Bowl - Texas v Georgia Photo by Bobby McDuffie/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Welcome to Let’s Go Pod-y, where I listen to opponent’s podcasts so you don’t have to!

Podcast: Horns Up Podcast

Length: 48 mins – but there’s 2 mins of silence at the end for no reason, the pod effectively is over by the 40 min mark.

You are going to be SHOCKED to learn that Texas podcasters are self-absorbed and spend most of the podcast talking about the Longhorns instead of previewing Iowa State, it’s almost an afterthought. They spread the arrogance around as they take shots at most of the conference foes except Oklahoma. You’ll especially appreciate the Super Bowl quote, Enjoy:

On Texas Struggles in the 4th Quarter

“A better example is the catcher who can’t throw it back to the pitcher, dude you’ve done it a thousand times before, but it’s a mental block … it’s all mental”

“This team is more coach-led, but the better teams are player-led … everyone’s looking for someone to lead and no one is taking it on”

“Who’s gonna be the guy that we say ‘he wants the ball’, ‘he’s gonna make the play’ we don’t know!”

“Have you guys seen that meme where the guy is putting on this clown makeup? Like ‘time to get ready for work’, I feel like that is us [Texas] at halftime”*

*Editor’s note: I was twitching thinking this was an ISU “clown” insult in the making, but they chose the path of self-own.

On the Baylor Loss

Baylor’s stadium barely had 32,000 fans and 12,000 of them were Longhorn fans, it wasn’t loud. No reason to jump”

“It hit both of his hands! That is his job! He had the ball, he had the ball!”

“I went golfing the next day [after the Baylor loss] … I’m on the tee box and some random goes passing by, grown man, sees me and throws the ‘horns down’ – I don’t get that in Dallas when we play, you know, Oklahoma”

On the Super Bowl

“Even with the new [Texas] head coach, and things to work out, Baylor still doesn’t expect to beat us, it is their Super Bowl … hey, Gary Patterson, [formerly TCU] he finally gonna beat Texas – he gone!, every school around this state [Texas], it’s their Super Bowl.”

“That’s us every single week, Super Bowl to all these smaller schools”

On the Remaining Schedule

“This is gonna be a dogfight game”

“After Iowa State you have: Kansas, Kansas State, and West Virginia? Those should be locks, those should be wins … should be [nervous laughter]”

On Bijan

“Bijan had his worst game [vs Baylor]”

“To be a Heisman winner, to be taken seriously, you can’t miss a game. Bijan is so much more talented than that Michigan State kid [Kenneth Walker III], I watch him run and I’m not even super impressed”

On Iowa State Defense

“If I’m them [Iowa State] I’m doubling Worthy and I’m loading the box, who is gonna be that guy? … who do we have that can make them pay? I don’t know”

On Iowa State in General

“Iowa State is going to come ready to play … they should have beat West Virginia, looking back they probably should have beat Iowa, they are who we thought they were … but this is the ‘battle of the disappointing seasons’ … get the win, get a chance to walk out with our heads held high”

On Excuses for Sark

“Look the guy hasn’t coached, or been a head coach anyway, for quite some time, it’s an adjustment”

On the Monkey Incident

“Jeff Banks and his uh ... wife or his girlfriend, it’s his wife, uh ... ‘female partner’ anyway, don’t know her real name, but she goes by the name Pole Assassin, and I don’t need to know any more, my research stopped there!”

“Dani Thomas is her real name, but I like Pole Assassin better … gotta be a top 3 stripper name that I’ve heard in my whole life. Definitely better than Crystal or Candy”

“Hopefully he addressed the team … we got a monkey we gotta get off our back”

On Blaming the Victim (a kid btw)

“If you ever go to a zoo, you like don’t go into the animals area … like if you go to LSU and go into Mike the Tiger’s cage, you’re gonna get eaten … I mean what are you doing, that’s all I’m gonna say”

“Little kid, where are the parents? Are they watching the Pole Assassin? Halloween candy and a show maybe?”

“I mean maybe this was the distraction the team needed … there’s a chance they slipped the kid a $20 and said ‘look, we need this’ ”

On the Iowa State Matchup

“[Iowa State’s] quarterback [Brock Purdy] is not that good, our runningback [Bijan Robinson] is just as good [as Breece Hall], and I feel we have the best receiver [Xavier Worthy] ”

On Conferences

“The top Conference this year may be the Big 10, you have: Michigan State undefeated, Michigan, Ohio State, you have Wisconsin doing their thing, Iowa ehhhhhhhh but they had a little run … Big 10 has some dogs”

“If Texas ends up 8-4, we’re gonna get a good bowl, we’re Texas. You go get matched up with like a Penn State (for example) and get the win and it re-energizes the team for next year”

On Crashing back to Reality

“I hear what you mean, I hear what you’re saying, but for now we just need to worry about finishing the 4th quarter”

“Unfortunately, a lot of the [positive] things we’ve outlined before have not panned out”

“That’s what I’m saying, you guys are naming all these players, saying we have all these great players … I don’t know, do we?”

Another potshot at Baylor just because

“I know we have really talented guys, again we have to execute … we’re Texas, we’re gonna get the criticism, unlike Baylor who only won ONE game last year, but they don’t have the microscope on them”