Welcome, Kirk Herbstreit, to the Cyclone fan shit list.

Disrespect directed towards our football program, long positioned as the perennial doormat of the Big 12 conference, is nothing new. In fact, it was downright expected for generations of Cyclone fans. As Bane was born in the darkness, Iowa State was born in football disrespect. Molded by it.

So when you came for Matt Campbell and our stuff back in 2017, we weren’t at all surprised.

We took it all in stride, as we have for the last 100 years of football mediocrity.

But you, Kirk, thought you could sing Matt Campbell’s praises three years later like nothing happened, without taking inventory of your past statements.

And Cyclone fans remembered, Herby.

You didn’t say that Matt Campbell “may be in line for a promotion”, or that bigger programs “may come calling since he’s done a great job in Ames”.

Oh no. You said he was GONE. You even argued with people on Twitter about it!

And guess what, Herby: You were wrong.

And in the process of admitting you were wrong, you went out of your way to insult Cyclone fans. And that’s fine by us, as we are as numb to the term “clown” as your face is due to Botox.

So, despite your apology, you remain firmly entrenched on our shit list. You’re not the first college football media member to land on this esteemed list, either. Without further adieu, here is the rest of the list on which you find yourself.

Cyclone Fan Shit List

1. Steve Prohm
2. Big 12 refs
3. Gene Chizik
4. Pat Forde, the Yahoo writer who promised us the success of Gene Chizik or he would “buy every Cyclone fan a beer”. Pat, its been a while, and your tab grows with every Brock Purdy pump fake and Breece Hall touchdown run.
5. David Ubben, former Big 12 writer for ESPN, who refused to visit Ames. Despite our attempts to welcome him to Jack Trice Stadium. Several times.
6. Aaron Craft
7. Kansas State and their fake nice fanbase
8. Frosted tips
9. Buzzer beaters at the end of the shot clock
10. Stephen Leath
11. Adam Haluska
12. Birmingham, Alabama. The entire city
13. Hampton
14. Tom Herman
15. Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water”
16. Mark Mangino
17. UAB
18. Stop signs
19. Marcus Smart
20. Baylor
21. The University of Northern Iowa in general
22. Ryan Spangler
23. Picking up flags
24. Block/Charge calls (specifically, the BLARGE)
25. Kicking field goals
26. Punting
27. Danny Wuerffel and all the bozo Heisman voters who screwed Troy Davis out of winning in ‘96
28. Ben McLemore
29. Big 12 refs
30. Kansas fans at the Big 12 tournament
31. The Longhorn Network
32. Lack of 30 racks of Busch Light in central Iowa
33. Chase Daniel
34. That Lady Gaga Bud Light Commercial
35. Boise, Idaho
36. False start penalties in the red zone
37. Leaving after the under-four timeout
38. Rain
39. Missouri co-eds
40. Willie Warren
41. Football TV timeouts
42. The UNLV bag man
43. Kirk Herbstreit
44. Randy Peterson
45. Gallagher-Iba arena still being called “Historic”
46. Not serving beer at Jack Trice
47. Eric Church
48. Scott Drew and his timeout calling habits
49. Bruce Van De Velde
50. Missouri in general

P.S.

Want to make amends for your misdeeds, Herby?

The next time you come to Ames, which will most likely either be for the CYHawk game or for a late-season showdown loaded with playoff implications against Oklahoma, we encourage you to let us show you the reason you were wrong about Matt Campbell leaving.

The warm Natty Lite and South End Zone Club tickets will be on us.