During an offseason largely devoid of any major storylines outside of the recruiting world, Iowa State fans were anticipating a smooth coast into training camp and the beginning of the 2021 football season. However, the Cyclone fans around the country were greeted Wednesday with some confusing and startling news.
Reports of unusual eating patterns for Iowa State tight end Charlie Kolar emerged during this year’s Big 12 Media Days conference after safety Greg Eisworth mentioned his bizarre behavior in an answer to a question from a media member.
Eisworth on Charlie Kolar: He eats things with his fingers you’re not supposed to eat with your fingers. Like spaghetti.— Travis Hines (@TravisHines21) July 14, 2021
Naturally, we were equally shocked by the news, and pursued details surrounding this controversy, especially surrounding the alleged act of eating spaghetti with his own two hands.
Sadly not true. May start now though, will save the hassle of trying to get the spaghetti to stop falling off the fork— Charlie Kolar (@charliekolar_) July 14, 2021
Kolar denied the reality-shattering allegations surrounding his eating habits, seemingly ending this saga with a neat and reasonable bow, allowing the good folks of Cardinal and Gold to go about the rest of their day.
However, photos unearthed by Kolar’s teammate, linebacker Jake Hummel, were posted late Wednesday evening, catching the All-Big 12 tight end in the act of eating spaghetti with his hands like an absolute madman.
What could possibly motivate a a grown adult to eat spaghetti with their bare hands is still yet unknown, but WRNL is actively investigating the situation to determine any known causes. When approached for comment, Kolar simply responded “I have no comment at this time.”
I have no comment at this time— Charlie Kolar (@charliekolar_) July 15, 2021
At this point, we can only wildly speculate as to what other strange eating habits Kolar may possess. Does he eat soup with a single chopstick? Does he eat onions like an apple? Maybe Charlie eats chicken salad by putting all of the individual ingredients in his mouth and swirling it around like mouthwash. Perhaps he puts ice in his bowl of cereal because it’s too hot.
Who’s really to say what horrors lie beyond this initial discovery?
No matter what dark discoveries may be lying in waiting regarding Charlie Kolar’s eating habits, Cyclone fans can at least take refuge in the fact that training camp starts in just a couple weeks and football is almost here, even if a truly bizarre human being lines up at tight end for the Cyclones in 2021.