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WRNL Issues Letter to ESPN Containing Additional Grievances

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You mess with bull you get the horns (down).

In case you missed it, the Big 12 decided they had enough with ESPN and their shenanigans aimed at the dissolution of the Big 12 in the last several days as Oklahoma and Texas have decided to leave everyone to die join the SEC. As you could have guessed, Bob Bowlsby (along with the rest of the higher ups in the Big 12 ) and Wide Right & Natty Lite go back like Cadillac seats. Who could forget when Bob and the gang rolled into Ames last fall and tossed back a brewski with our beloved Cyclone Larry? I sure as hell did!

With that being said, we of course will back the forces of the Big 12 and thought that it was appropriate to send our own cease and desist letter to the offices of Mickey Mouse or whoever is running that shit show over in Bristol these days (sorry SVP). Should I be writing an angry letter to the University of Texas or Oklahoma? Probably! Am I going to write a letter to the company that might control the future of ISU athletics? You bet!

Dear Mr. ESPN,

First of all, just cut the shit. Clearly, ESPN has had problems with Iowa State and the rest of the Big 12 for years. I’ll never forget the 54 different instances of the poor school that had to play after a Bob Huggins coached team. For Pete’s sake, give them the night cap. Just this year, ESPN showed Iowa State basketball losing way too many times on television for my liking. Call me again in a year. Maybe there was something wrong on my end, but I didn’t see a final score in ISU’s favor last year on ESPN.

Next up, quit asking why Matt Campbell is still in Ames. According to your “experts”, Coach Campbell is up for literally every head coaching gig. And every year, the headline reads “Matt Campbell is staying put in Ames.” The guy you should really be focused on is that guy from the team out east. Brian something? Though, Matt Campbell being in the Big 12 and winning at Iowa State doesn’t fit the overall game plan to undermine and dissolve the Big 12, so we at least can understand why you’ve been doing that.

While we’re on football, College GameDay in Ames was awesome for sure, but why did you send Eric Church our way for a guest picker? There were about a billion people that we would have rather had than some country singer from SEC territory that has zero ties to Iowa State.

We also blame ESPN for Seneca not being in. And if it wasn’t for ESPN’s interview with Troy Davis, that name would read “Heisman Trophy Winner, Troy Davis”. Jeremiah George’s strip to seal the game against Texas in 2013? ESPN. The blarge? ESPN. In section 69.420, WRNL’s contract with ESPN states “Do not show us sucking, What do we look like? Texas?”. ESPN disobeyed that for years, but credit where credit is due for the recent wins against Texas and Oklahoma.

Beyond Iowa State issues, ESPN+ sucks, you chased off everyone who was loved, and SportsCenter will never be what it once was. Oh and you’re ugly and you smell bad. All the homies hate ESPN.

I would like to end the letter on a high note, thank you for the gift to humanity that is the Longhorn Network, where would the Big 12 be without that!