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Week One Tailgate Post-Mortem

What went right and wrong with last weekend’s tailgate?


What Went Wrong


If you are looking for someone to advocate for tailgating bathroom rights, then urine luck.

Saturday, from a bathroom standpoint, was anything but relieving.

Jaime Pollard was probably hoping to keep this fiasco a secret, but someone clearly leaked it.

Ok, enough bathroom puns.

Seriously, the port-a-potty situation on Saturday was an unmitigated disaster. While some lots had plenty of facilities, the line for port-a-johns in other lots resembled the line outside an Apple Store during an iPhone release.

Planning out your bathroom stops is important while tailgating, but even the best laid pissing plans go out the window when you grow a beard waiting to pee. The RV lots were especially bad. This mess forced enterprising fans to pee in truck wheel wells or anywhere with a modicum of privacy.

Thankfully, our fearless leader is aware of the shitter shortage.

With that in mind, we still highly encourage you all to consider alternative options for the CyHawk game. Creativity is strongly encouraged.

Or you could just pee anywhere you want within the stadium, the smell would certainly help Hawkeye fans feel more at home.

Choice of Attire

Tailgating returning meant most of us needed a week to get our sea legs back. I mean, no should be expected to take a year off and come back in peak form week one, right?

Saturday’s game proved challenging from an attire standpoint for many reasons. The morning started out cool, as rain clouds and mist lingered longer than anyone expected, making for a chilly morning. Afternoon, however, brought a sun that burned through the clouds, making game time downright hot if you were in the sun.

If you brought a rain coat, pull over, or sweatshirt along, you now had to either sweat it out or tie the sweater around your waist like an Ivy League trust-fund yacht club member or a basic white girl who got a little sweaty in the corn pile at the local apple orchard.

Sunglasses, then, were also another forgotten about accessory. You would not have needed them for nearly 100% of the tailgate, but they were a must if you sat on the east side of Jack Trice Stadium.

Footwear was also confounding, as the ground was soggy and water was standing in many places. This makes a more water-resistant shoe an ideal choice, but comfort is still of the upmost importance. This fan sported a worn-out pair of sandals all day and regretted it in the morning, as sandals do not provide much support when getting in your requisite 15,000 tailgate steps.

Mobile Ticketing at the North Entrance

People, it’s not that hard.

Download the damn ticket to your phone, add it to your wallet, whatever it is that you need to do. You’ve known about this change for a while now.

There’s no excuse.

Get your millennial son or neighbor to help you out if you must.

Jack Trice Stadium Popcorn

It is disgusting and I hate it.

What Went Right

Cell Phone Service

“What’s that? Did my phone just vibrate during the game? Could that be a text message??”

In an abrupt change, cell phones (most carriers at least) worked in and around the stadium! While data may not have been the best, phone calls and text messages worked all game long. And that’s important, as getting ahold of a friend or family member is necessary and important for both public safety and prime tailgate enjoyment.

You can check Twitter after the game, folks.

I mean, did you really need to drunkenly send that snapchat video of you doing a quadruple beer bong in the student lots to your parents and your manager accidentally? Did you really need to fire off that “John Heacock sucks” Tweet after that UNI touchdown?

I thought not.

Parking and Traffic Flow

Something like parking is never going to be perfect (lot G7 I’m looking at you), but in general, the university seems to have fine-tuned parking and the flow of vehicles into and out of the stadium area, and it was noticed by many on Saturday.

Managing parking on a scale like this is a herculean task and should not go unappreciated.

Cool Weather for a September Tailgate

Many a September tailgate in Ames has been hotter than a jalapenos armpit, but Saturday was downright pleasant.

No sun for much of tailgating but late sun. Cooler temperatures. No torrential monsoon-style rains.

In all, this weather was a victory when you think back to 2019.

Tailgating in General

Boy oh boy did it feel nice to be back in the lots after a 2020 devoid of tailgating.

The smell of pork loin wafting on the breeze.

A grease fire rolling on the gas grill while the tailgate plays flippy cup oblivious to burgers assuming the likeness of a hockey puck.

Tailgate moms wearing their “Tailgate Mom” t-shirts.

College students playing beer die, which is quite possibly more boring to watch than Big 10 West football.

RV’s getting the party started at 6:30 PM on Friday night.

It just all felt right, and I am so happy that tailgating is back.

Report Card

Temperature: A

Precipitation: C+

Food: B (we all needed a week to brush up, ok?)

Drink: A+ (duh)

Logistics: B