The Sweet Sixteen Troll Pt. 2: Creighton

Our Twister Sisters are in the Sweet 16 for the first time since 2010! In celebration of this momentous occasion, The Troll has extended an olive branch. Not only are we getting a good look at that piece of junk private school from South Florida, we also get to look about 170 miles to the west where, imagine that, there’s another snooty private school in the crosshairs. So it back, settle in, and if you’re a Creighton fan, find a nurse to check your blood pressure. It shouldn’t be too hard.

Let’s do some hating.

State: Nebraska

Cooter Ray might as well be the governor. There’s a reason only Montana has a higher posted max speed limit on the interstate.

Our corn is better.

City: Omaha

Omaha is basically Council Bluffs West and if the people in charge of the city were smart they’d go ahead and allow themselves to be part of Iowa by now. The city’s most famous resident, Warren Buffett, is famous for not spending any of his money and his daily McDonald’s breakfast orders. Little did we know that McDonald’s is the nicest restaurant in Omaha.

Here’s a fun fact from the city Wikipedia page: The 1800s were rife with organized crime, gambling, prostitution, and more. That’s the end of interesting things I could find. Las Vegas took the mantle of debauchery and left behind 500 miles of nothingness.

The Omaha Zoo is famous but so is the zoo in every other city. It’s telling that everything nice has to be brought in from somewhere else. College baseball is growing in popularity and yet they still make the players go to Nebraska as a reward for a great season.

Mascot: Billy the Bluejay

A perfectly pleasant and inoffensive mascot on the surface, just wait until you see what this guy used to look like.

.......Are you ready?

........Last warning to not let your children keep reading.

Look into those eyes. Old Cy photos are funny. This thing will murder your family. Winner of the scariest avian mascot for every year until the original Pierre the Pelican in New Orleans.

School: Creighton University

A private, Jesuit university founded in the 1850s and definitely not laundering money in any way. Creighton’s enrollment sits at around 8,400 and is most famous for the nursing program and recruiting members of the Korver family.

Famous alumni: Joe Ricketts, owner of the Chicago Cubs and all of the state’s politicians. That guy sucks. I hate him and hope he sells the team.

Jim Hendry was the baseball coach of the only team in school history to play in the College World Series and I still haven’t forgiven that guy for what happened to the Cubs after 2003. Why are all the worst people associated with the team connected to this school?

Team: The Bluejays

Shoutout to Lauren Jensen. That 3 in the closing seconds on the road is one of the coldest things I’ve ever seen. Creighton is in their first Sweet 16 in school history after 50 years of playing DI basketball. I bet Creighton feels pretty good after beating Iowa in the 2nd round. Do we need to remind them what happened when we played Iowa this year? Despite the limited success, they’ve still been dragged into the Big East to get blown out by UConn twice per year......

Ok, lets be real for minute. You guys might have a fancy other university with different colors and an actual tradition of not being terrible at basketball. But deep down, we all know that the only team you guys actually care about is Nebraska football. WHO’S READY FOR SOME PAIN???

Does Scott Frost have it figured out yet, or has the National Championship head coach lost his shine?

Nebraska might have been great a few generations ago when nobody tested for steroids (allegedly) and Tom Osborne was allowed to stack his roster with walk-ons. Back before the sellout streak wasn’t artificially propped up and the school didn’t waste all the world’s helium, the Huskers were a national power. But this is a new century, and Nebraska has made losing an artform. I know you guys think it’s cute that you were competitive against everyone you played last year and that it’s a sign of winning to come, but you’re wrong. This program has fallen so far that you actually derive sympathy from schools like Illinois! And Northwestern! Bo Pelini is your best head coach in 25 years and he couldn’t hold down a job as LSU’s DC under Coach O! I wonder if he wasn’t as into trolling for boosters’ wives on campus.

Zac Taylor almost won a Super Bowl as a coach. That’s the greatest Nebraska football accomplishment in decades. You choked away that Big 12 championship against Colt McCoy and you know it. This program will never not have a Martinez playing quarterback. If Texas didn’t exist y’all would be the laughingstock of the college football world. Hopefully the Big Ten money is worth it.

Coach: Jim Flanery

Jim Flanery has been the head coach at Creighton for 20 years, making his first Sweet 16 in 2022. I guess this guy can’t stop taking W’s against the University of Iowa. He also played on the Creighton men’s team in the 80s. I should be impressed, but part of me wants to know what’s wrong with a guy who has willingly lived in Nebraska for that long. That’s probably enough roasting of the coach who knocked Caitlin Clark out of the tournament though. Kudos my man.

I know we’re talking about women’s basketball here, but while we’re at it, Greg McDermott is just Fran McCaffery with a son who is better at basketball. Clones by a million.

Enjoy the game!