clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

The Definitive List of Reasons to Horns Down

Tyrese Hunter becomes one of many.

So... that hurts. Here’s the rub, no matter where Tyrese Hunter went, it was going to hurt. Arguably though, the only two places that could’ve hurt worse have ‘Hawk’ in their team names.

Texas is that high school, where all the kids wore polo’s and khaki shorts, drove their dad’s Benz’s and Audi’s to prom, and half the population is made of Kimberliegh’s and Braelynn’s. And if you went to that high school, I don’t apologize.

Texas sucks, it’s horns down every day all day. I’m very adamant about ‘love the guy, hate the jersey’. I won’t necessarily be rooting against Tyrese Hunter as an individual. In fact, if he could put up good enough stats to be a lottery pick next year, and not win a meaningful game at Texas, that’s the ideal scenario. He owes us nothing as fans, the flip side of that, we shouldn’t feel entitled to root for the Longhorns, I certainly won’t be.

Once a Cyclone, always a Cyclone... until you become a Longhorn. Or a Hawkeye.

But let’s get back on track here. Nothing soothes the pain than flashing the Horns Down. So without further ado, here’s the definitive list to ALWAYS Horns Down.

Tyrese Hunter

Without becoming redundant, Tyrese Hunter was the ‘New Hope’ in Otz’s first season. We had our Luke Skywalker dammit. A 6’0 pitbull point guard who fought like a heavyweight in a featherweight frame. He beat LSU almost by himself in his first March Madness game, and gave us an incredible season full of exciting plays.

What felt like Monte Morris’ freshman campaign, one full of promise en route to a Mount Rushmore caliber career, cut three seasons short. Not to the NBA draft, not to injury, but because of three letters(NIL), and a whole bunch of burnt orange oil money.

Time will tell, but I don’t think the W-L record between Texas and Iowa State basketball will be all that different next year. It would be a real shame if we blew the Longhorns out by 20 at maybe the most raucous environment in Hilton history.

Chris Beard

Gross. Do you know how hard it is, for me, to dislike a coach that builds his teams on grit, defense, and ugly basketball? The Bad Boy Pistons are my ideal version of playing basketball. Chris Beard at Texas Tech was my man crush, he felt like the Attitude Era of college basketball. It was glorious. But now, me and all my buddies in Lubbock, will Horns Down Country Club Chris Beard until the Bevo’s come home.

Chris Beard in his return to Lubbock, caught some HEAT. To keep the analogies with professional wrestling, Beard got peak 1980’s Ric Flair levels of heat.

Also, if you don’t like this, you don’t deserve college basketball at its best. This is objectively awesome. Lubbock and Ames uniting over hate is a thing of beauty.

Quinn Ewers

Have you seen this kid?

Now what if I told you that he’s made at least $5 million without throwing a single pass in college yet? Toss in the fact that he only went to Ohio State a year early to make money and couldn’t even be active on gamedays and now he’s the guy who is going to revive that sorry ass program?

As is the case with most Texas QBs, he’ll have a disappointing 6 game run as a starter this year before transferring to SMU and putting up big stats in 2024.

Celebrating Recruiting Wins in the NIL Era

How much skill does it take to pass out a bag of cash? I’ll tell you. Zero. Quinn Ewers and $50k per offensive lineup plus who knows what else aught to be enough to get to a bowl game this year. Paying $50M for a football roster to make a couple hundred thousand dollars in a bowl payout doesn’t seem worth it to me. The showering of praise of Steve Sarkesian, Chris Beard, and others for embracing NIL as if it’s anything but pay-for-play is embarrassing.

Burnt Orange

Stupid color. Mickey Mouse school.

The Longhorn Network

Imagine this- the most self-obsessed program just HAD to get a television network for exclusive Longhorn content. It airs like 4 throwaway games a year in football and men’s basketball combined, where the opposing teams fans always go “How is Longhorn Network still at thing?” Kids unboxing toys on YouTube get more views than Longhorn Network. But, if you’re really itching to watch LHN, WRNL has it covered. Yes, one of us called a bar in Alaska to see if they had the Iowa State v. Texas game. S/O Back Door Sports Bar in Kenai, Alaska.

Moving to the SEC/Going Nuclear on the Big 12

This one has been talked about ad nauseum for the last year, but just to rehash it, Texas and Oklahoma snuck behind the Big 12’s back to flirt with the SEC and try and destroy the conference that gave the Longhorns a lifeline after the SWC fell apart. Texas got everything they could’ve wanted from the Big 12 and also the Longhorn Network. Clearly this school got tired of not making even more money than they deserve to go 5-7 so they figured they might as well go 3-9 in the SEC instead. At least they’ll get to play an FCS school in late November to make fans happy. Just a complete joke of an athletic department. Chasing the slightly bigger paycheck for the richest athletic department and a secure spot in college football’s uncertain future. As hard as it is to believe, Texas could’ve actually fixed the program culture and been a leader in a conference of their own instead of hopping on Alabama’s and Georgia’s coattails. Yet here we are. There is nothing about what they did that deserves any respect.

The Big 12 upgraded by bringing BYU, Cincinnati, Houston, and UCF into the fold and letting Texas walk. Finally we’ll be past the days of trying to coddle the tempermental toddler in the room who gets their way every time.

...THIS

Thinking Bijan Robinson is Better than Breece Hall

This one has been percolating on the internet for awhile. Going head to head for running backs doesn’t mean a ton but think about the last time these two shared a field together.

Yet Bijan Robinson is a Heisman candidate and sure fire 1st round draft pick but the guy who set NCAA records and tested in the 99th percentile for athletes at the NFL combine wasn’t? Give me a break.

Trying to Get Horns Down Penalized

It’s embarrasing that we let them get away with this.

Making Us Feel Sympathy for Schools Like Baylor and *Gross* Kansas State

Kansas State fans are the absolute worst! Baylor has been through numerous scandals. Kansas is about to get nuked in basketball after winning a championship. West Virginia openly doesn’t want to be here. But still, Texas sucks. Hateful 8 forever!

Being Handed a Trip to the BCS Championship and Getting Rolled By Alabama

It’s been over a decade and soon both of the schools involved won’t even be in the Big 12 anymore. It’s ok to admit that Nebraska got screwed to give Texas a trip to the National Championship game. How did Texas respond? Colt McCoy got hurt on the 4th play of the game and Alabama won going away to kick start the Nick Saban dynasty. We definitely won’t miss them.

Speaking of Nick Saban...

Thinking Nick Saban Would Save Your Poverty Program

What was the rumor again? Nick Saban’s wife went to Texas or something? And that meant that he was definitely going to leave the most dominant program in the country for a school that lost 5 games per year because... money? Bama happily paid up for him. Anyway, this went like every other pie in the sky coaching rumor where private jets get tracked. In 2013, Saban made clear that he was not interested after Mack Brown stepped down and was using Texas for leverage, obviously.

Doing *THIS* to Deon Broomfield

And last but most certainly not least....

Losing to Kansas At Home, In Football, As 28 Point Favorites

Hit the video!

While not a reason to hate, it’s perhaps the ultimate reason to horns down. Bonus points for leading us to the best thing to come from the NIL era of college athletics thus far.